Love opens the way…..to truth,to life and living….fear has no part to play when the heart loves,when the heart is tender and loving and kind……nothing blocks its path.It does not say, I will be friends to only those I like or to those who give me what I need( selfishly)……….Love opens to all,just like the rain and sun supplies the earth with nourishment,love will help and be an aide to anyone,to everyone without wanting anything back…….it stipulates no conditions!
Let not guilts , shames and fears keep our hearts locked and imprisoned in pain and suffering.
We don’t have to hang onto to past mistakes, regrets, abuses,grief/traumatic experiences,bad memories and the ‘what ifs’,’why didnt I’,’why did I’sentiments.
There is no reason to keep our afflictions buried within us and allowing our lives to be lived in shallowness and limitations of a greater purpose to life for ourselves and others.
All enlightened beings and spiritual teachers of past and present had to do the same, to purge themselves of toxic/poisonous afflictive states and renew and transform and allow their true light of love to shine forth.
All of them showed compassion and understanding of their own suffering and that of others and have been and are still passing on the knowledge of the truth of the existence of suffering and the ways out of it so that others might be wise enough to follow through the same and become ambassadors of peace and healing.
There is enough of unhappiness,silent and active aggression,animosity and joylessness hovering around wherever we are….perhaps we cannot see that truth as we are too busy into our own distractions and burdens.However, there might be some people who are using outwardly fun, comic and jovial antics as cover-up for their inner discontent.Its not to say that we cannot have healthy enjoyments, fun, recreation and relaxation which might help uplift the weary spirit…..family/alone time in nature by the beach,drives/outings,museums,cooking/baking,reading,music,celebrations,etc.
All the same most of us are in denial and can become defensive when speaking of suffering/unhappiness….we can refuse to believe or to acknowledge our inner discord and disharmony as we might surfacely portray ourselves as ‘healthy’, ‘wealthy’,’wise’(educated),religious practising,having done nothing wrong criminally,abiding the laws of the land,etc.etc……yet deep within, there is a dark cloud of secrecy and feeling ‘impure’,uncleaned and unloved,that feeling of nothing is enough/good/right………
In my own experience……. November 1998,after coming back from Saudi Arabia,landing in Vancouver,Canada, I immediately felt a terrible heartache where I felt like ‘dying’,a feeling like I was a criminal who was hiding the biggest ‘black heart’ within myself….I felt spiritually thirsty and in need of tremendous amount of soul food and comfort,it felt like a deadly desperation to bring nourishment to my soul….November 17th 1998,as I remember driving myself to St. Paul’s church seeking for something to quench my parched being,I stood outside the church door feeling like a criminal and literally said to myself….”I am turning myself in,help me!” That was the beginning of a long beautiful spiritual journey of delving/meditating into the deepest recess of my being courageously facing painful and ineffable truths,acknowledging and forgiving and letting go of my life’s worth of transgressions…….as well as looking into the true face of beauty of my Inner Self….face to face with the treasures of Heaven!,there I found love and joy and truth resided innately waiting to be discovered by the true seeker…………
Like everyone else, I was clamouring for love outside of myself until I found it Within myself……….within each being lies this treasure of heaven(Love/God/Truth/Light/Universal consciouness/Atman/Brahman/Allah/Buddha or Christ consciousness/Divinity etc.).Each and every single human being has the highest potential to touch and be open to this sacred space Within if we are sincere and courageous to take a ride into ourselves!While we are still yet to open ourselves to the inward journey, we can practise being mindful and being aware of our thoughts, actions, speech and intentions in order to have some level of comfort, of peace, understanding, respect and care towards ourselves and for others
One of the ways I had to practise while on the journey inwards is develop what the Buddhist calls Loving-Kindness meditation….to develop the ability to love,to be compassionate,to be kind to ourselves, to our loved ones, friends, strangers,enemies and the world……….
I share this with you to help you on your journey ….if you can find time, make a little effort, be sincere and dedicated whenever you can,allow yourself to simply be,no need to be hard on yourself….everything takes time,there is no easy way out for true healing and peace to descend upon us!
This is the youtube link on loving kindness meditation,easy to follow and understand.
We seek for love from others……but we are already love itself…
We seek for gifts from others because we want to feel special….but we are already the gifts ourselves to make others special…..
We seek to love others…..but we forget to love ourselves first…..
We are all lovers……..we are all capable of receiving and giving love in this moment when we are aware of our Loving -Presence!
To love only those you care for,to resent the enemy(those who have hurt you),and be indifferent to the stranger,these are all foolish notions.For tomorow,the one whom you care for ,turns against you,the enemy whom you resented becomes your friend and the stranger you had no concern for comes to your aid……..so love them all! Let not your heart close its door to anyone……..the heart is an abode of bountiful love………live in fairness and equality for all…….!
In memory of the love my father left behind before leaving this world…………………………
A few months before his death,(June 11th,cannot remember the year, probably more than 30 years ago)I believe my father had a near death experience…….he was found unresponsive by my mother in bed….she panicked and woke up the whole household quite late into the night and called me( I lived not far away)so I ran all the way………when I arrived he came round,he seemed in a daze.I remember he said to us children…..”why are you all here around the bed,go back to sleep,its late!”.He went back to sleep and I went home thinking he was okay.Apparently,the next day, my father told my mother that he saw himself in a beautiful garden filled with bright light and that he had seen his parents and loved ones who had passed long before………………
Secretly I liked my father’s story,I did not disbelief him for I knew he wouldnt know how to make up stories like that and besides he used to yell at us children if he thought we were telling lies…..he constantly reminded us not to tell lies…the one thing he detested very strongly!
After that late night incident, my father seemed to be more subdued in his demeanor,almost like his personality changed overnight ….he became quieter,softer,reserved almost contemplative and he could be seen holding and reading a prayer book most of the time.
It seems that sides had been switched,my mother used to be the quiet one and my father was the ‘yeller’,always jumpy, concerned ,worried,scolding and trying to keep us children in order,yet I loved his good side of kindness,simplicity,prayerfulness and friendliness to all who came to the home.
But it appeared that mother now became the one to ‘jump’ and nagged at us children after father turned quiet…….one particular story to relate about the change in my father is………
The story of us two older rascals,my sister Nina, myself and my late ex husband Frank….we enjoyed very much to take short trips away to Tioman Island in Malaysia for snorkelling,sunbathing/swimming,fishing and hiking adventures.One time while we were having a snorkelling fiesta,all three of us almost drowned due to a strong current that came up suddenly,Frank and I managed to swim back to the boat but Nina could still be seen struggling for her life……a lady from the boat threw a buoy to her and jumped in to the water to rescue her….we came home and told each other that we better not tell daddy about this near drowning mishap….all too soon the truth came out……we were surprised to see that it was my mother who went raving mad about the near drowning incident and my father was cool and calm and he told my mother….”as long as they came back safe and sound,thats all that matters”……..wow! we saw the big change in my father,something spiritually mysterious happened to him that night for sure!
Another lovely thing I vividly remembered of my father before he was taken to the hospital ICU for congestive heart failure after the ‘near-death’ experience months before was that he began asking for forgiveness from almost everyone who came into his contact,family, friends,acquiantances ,practically anyone he met…….it was a very humbling gesture to witness from my perspective now,but at that time,I didnt see it as a time for him to be humble but saw it as some sort of foolishness on his part..…
I see it now as he must have known his time was ending and needed to make peace with everyone.As I write this,I can truly see his good and charitable heart and the legacy he left for us to learn from!
I remember while he was in hospital…..I would visit him,sit beside him quietly and we both would not say a word……the silence spoke of my quiet love for him and I believed he knew it!
Not long after his hospital discharge, he passed away very suddenly and very peacefully on my mother;s shoulder while preparing food for my brothers before their going to school.
He was very young…..62years,only one year older than me now.
Strangely,my father had a premonition that he was going leave us ….as the night before his death,he went round the dining table while we the family were having dinner….he went to each one,touched us on the shoulder and told us to take care of ourselves…to my mother he said to her “I will take care of you”…to which I do believe, my mother was well taken care of after his passing.To my sister in law,Coco,he asked for a dance, he liked to show off his skills at tap dancing.
That night he left us with a caring reminder of himself….. the last dinner I had with my father……….
I say thank you daddy for the love you left us, a silent love that was well meant .If there was one thing I would do with you if you were alive today will be to sit and say the rosary with you! I know you will definitely love that very much!
My father never did see his grandchildren or great-granchildren but knowing his tender heart he would have showered them all with love and spoilt them rotten!
He was a loving man!
Every moment of our lives, we can do something beautiful……especially when we feel alone, when we feel down,when we feel restless,we can simply look within ourselves and find one small positive attribute of kindness to give away…….from within …..a smile, a word, a spontaneous act, a small donation to a charity,a walk in nature to see the birds, to hear the leaves rustling and feel that we are blessed.When we kiss our child, our grandchild, when we can embrace ourselves in tenderness to know that we can feel and relate to the suffering of others….when we can caress our pets and know that we can care …….when we can listen to a spiritual word of comfort and know that there are teachers of truth who are available on the internet, thru books…we can open up ourselves to knowledge and ways to find healing for ourselves in courses and therapies…..so we are not alone to deal with our pains and inner difficulties………there is always a friend somewhere to help guide us and be with us …if only we ask, we seek and we knock,perhaps on heaven’s door ……….we also can be humble and grateful for the love we already are Within……….we can always open to love and be loved when we are not afraid to allow love lead the way……….