“we do not have a fear of the unknown,what we fear is giving up the known”
~~~~ Anthony de Mello~~~( Jesuit priest,psychotherapist,spiritual teacher and writer)
What is this unknown that we as humans have a tendency to fear?
We seem to go on in life thinking that we are fearless, we carry out our duties and respsonsibilities with brazenness,we are doing or think we have done the best we can in our daily living,eg.we think we made through a divorce or two,took on a few heartaches,survived cancer or other health ailments/treatments for ourselves or loved ones,we have a job,we work hard,we might have lost a job we liked,we are successful, invested our monies in the bank,we take care of our family’s present and future welfare,we dared secure ourselves a property, maybe two,enjoyed ourselves partying,travelling and socialising,we maybe living in a ‘happy’/’unhappy’ family situation,coped with difficult family dysfunctionalities and faced many life changing challenges,weathered a few storms,followed through our religious practices and beliefs or even disbeliefs……..etc.etc………………
And we learn to go on simply pursuing the same traits over and over,thinking thats all in life we do or did and thats good enough and we go on as usual trying to be the same,trying to enjoy and cling onto the same feelings,sensations, escapades and coping mechanisms to survive day to day living.While all of the above are living conditions that we as human beings go through and face on a what seemingly ‘normal’ circumstance…..yes, life can become unsatisfactory and feel meaningless after a short/long while……………..
Then sometime,sooner or later we find that life situations are changing or had changed, we suddenly feel like we’ve been hit by a truck,so hard hit,we say to ourselves, we don’t feel the same anymore and the things and people don’t seem the same anymore.We find that we are losing friends,loved ones,people whom we thought were good to us are behaving adversely,we suddenly feel like they don’t like us or we don’t like them,our children leave the home,we no longer can tolerate doing the same things we used to enjoy before.
It feels like we are dying?And yes in truth this is a real ‘dying’ sensation within,no more vitality in life,a big void and empty feeling within…..some may resort to suicidal ideation and plans because this feeling of death is poignantly overwhelming!Depression sets in……..drained of energy to function,no motivation to deal or face day to day activities,life becomes moody,volatile and irritable…no matter how much people try to help and be of cheer…there is an ache deep within that cannot seem to be appeased.The call for self attention is dismissed……we keep looking externally for answers,happiness and temporary ephemeral ‘comforts’.
What is this dying feeling about? Deep down in our core….we know we need a change but yet have no idea how to change or grow from this ‘deathly’feeling.In truth,we are being called to die to the ego(falseness,past conditions)….the still small voice within is beckoning,the voice of Truth is being stifled and wants to be heard and Love wants to come forth to be nurtured and flourish and utilised and lived openly to its full capacity.The frozen heart wants to be thawed and become warm and beat alive again!But will we let the ice thaw and allow the heart to love fully?When the heart is so frozen,its only natural we feel a death-like sensation,an unable to live feeling!
Very often we can get carried away with fear,in the knowing that we need to do something to open up a space in order to be filled with better positive things but that fear freezes us…the fear of change, of letting go of the ‘old’way of living,of dying to stale and unhealthy habitual patterns,of toxic people,of opening new doors to a healthier lifestyle and environment.It feels frightening like jumping into a raging river and swimming against the strong current………..we fear challenges and we fear we don’t have the energy to handle new situations,we fear of the ‘what ifs’,fear of failures and of being ridiculed…..so we continue living in the ‘old skin’…it feels ‘safer’and familiar,although we don’t like it anymore!
Yet, we keep coping and struggling and battling our own soul sickness………….Some can go on all their lives pretending and playing martyr and biting their tongues,while others will go on making others lives miserable together with their own.And yet there will be others who will be wise and courageous to acknowledge their dissatisfactions and venture out into the unknown to seek help, change and spiritual growth.
We have known all of our lives to run away,to hide from,to escape when things go wrong or when we cannot deal with physical,emotional and life changing dilemmas.So when it becomes difficult we have learned expertly to bury our feelings,numb the mind/emotions,yes we have heard and been told to not cry,to not show our feelings,to get on with life(move on)…so all our buried energies are embedded within us,trapped like a caged animal! We therefore unconsciously learned to put a shield around our hearts,we become colder and colder as the ‘ice’ thickens. We think that by numbing the heart its a way to not feel hurt or be made unhappy or see the guilts and past shames and mistakes?
We are so habituated by the known….things we are familiar living with and doing all our lives…..we don’t want to know anything beyond that familiarity and mindset patterns……..we therefore cannot see our own full potential human capacity to live with the open compassionate heart unafraid to love and face any kind of unknown possibilities that might lead to full awakening to self realization and enlightenment…therefore peace and joy to self and others…………..
So what is this voice that calls…where does it call from…who is it calling to?Can we hear this voice?
This voice is our innate true original being,the truth that sits within,the pure conscience and consciousness that has not been marred by external distractions and worldly seductions/ disturbances.It is the unfragmented self,untouched by the duality of mind and heart conditions…in other words it is the One Universal Consciousness also called The Soul force, God, Atman,Brahman,Allah,Jehovah,Love and various other names according to religious traditions.
It is the voice of Love that calls us to come home Within ourselves,journey inside ourselves,to come taste and experience its wondrous everlasting beauty and brilliance that cannot be compared to the fleeting pleasures of the world….to be not afraid…it is only love, the gentle,tender,commpassionate,understanding and benevolent energies that is inherently waiting for us to utilise and open up to its full potential…..so it already knows us….there is nothing to be afraid of that unknown door within ourselves……………….
How do we access that door and listen closely to the call?
We come to a quiet,when we can learn to take courage and effort to rest our minds, our bodies and senses.When we can focus on the breath and be aware of our thoughts,our actions, our speech,our feelings/emotions and our intentions……..are they all well meaning for goodness and the betterment of ourselves and others or do we carry resentments,ill-wills, anger and selfishness,greed,lust and subtle hatred for self and others……we don’t need to judge ourselves and think anything bad of ourselves(there is Love in-built already within us,how can we be terrible)….but we can make it better if we strive to change the negative affictive mental,emotional,spiritual and physical outlook into positive attitudes and self growth….we can only nurture and nourish ourselves so Love can flourish!
Negative affictions are toxic and wasteful and heavy and burdensome on the psyche,why are we ever so ‘happy’ to hold onto to them?
How can Love be the voice we are frightened of…it calls sweetly…yet we resist, we defend,we fight against and deny….yet contradictory,we say we love?
How can we learn to be unafraid to enter the unknown door?
We can open the door to benevolence,we can make a move to step out of our mundane ordinary lives and living and be attentive to the happenings within and without ourselves,we can do something extra-ordinary for a friend, a stranger,a loved one perhaps even an ‘enemy’and do something ‘radical’ to make them happy for the sake of happiness and not for a selfish motive.
We can open the door of courage to make amends,we can make a call to someone we have been estranged for a long time and say sorry or to forgive or to simply say and see how they are doing.
We can visit the sick, donate to the poor, do some charitable act,we open the door of kindness.
When we have the tendency to jealousy and pride, we can open the door to being humble and receptive to being friendly and creating healthy friendships.
We can open the door to changes by doing something we were hesitant doing,we could join a spiritual group for meditation and prayer to enrich our inner life.We can also take interests and be open to listening to talks and reading books which we never thought we could/would understand, we could also stay open and versatile to others’ religious teachings.
When we have the tendency to anger and hatred,we could open the door to being understanding and respectful of life and to feel compassionate tenderness towards self and others.
When we have fears of doing things on our own and dependent on others for help,we could venture out on our own reach out to others and give ourselves access to new ideas and creativity of the heart.
In other words, we can open any door that we have always had an inclination to be afraid of….we can give ourselves a chance to act with courage and not be afraid of failures,or taking less or losing or what others might think/feel/do.Thus it helps us jump hurdles and blockages along the path of life and evolve positively forward to healthier lifestyles and spiritual growth.We can learn to simplify our lives in order to find peace and contentment in our daily lives.
Opening the door of the unknown helps us overcome our fears and insecurities and pushes us into another step to test, acknowledge and to witness our potential inner strength,fortitude,forbearance,courage and positive capabilities.Of course there is a difference in opening the door to testing ourselves foolishly in childish,reckless and dangerous activities….this is only what we call tempting fate!
I remember years and years ago when I was involved in a car accident I was driving involving family and friends being not too seriously injured….yes initially, I was afraid to be in the driver’s seat…but was told that in order to overcome the fear…I had to hold the wheel and drive again…which I did and regained self confidence.
We need to keep opening unknown doors in order to see, listen and walk into ourselves to find our true potential so that we can make a positive difference in this human life to be a living testimony to benefit ourselves and others….to be ambassadors of Peace and Love!
All it takes is one small candle to light up a darkened room! Love is the lighted candle we take into the dark unknown room…………..then the unknown will become the known…..fear will leave!
Several weeks ago, my new neighbours,a young Iranian couple knocked at my door asking a favour….if I could help water their little garden of newly planted flowers and plants as they will be away on holiday back to Iran.I said ‘yes’I could do that.To be honest, I am not a green -thumb kind of a person and I dont even water the plants outside my front or back yard….the rain does a good job of it and they still remain luscious and green!
So for 3 weeks while they were away I did go and water their garden……..while watering, I watched myself and saw how happy for the moment and pleased I was doing a good deed for another……it gave me a sense of joyful pride to be careful to not over water, as I do not know much about gardening.
I realised too that the couple do not know anything of me(it was their first time knocking at my door) yet they entrusted me to tend to as what I could see their prized garden work.It was beautiful, I managed their garden and it seemed blossoming as I waited for them to come back and take over…….I too witnessed a blossoming of tenderness in me to see how I could do such a small task yet feel so much joy and pleasure in that endeavour.And I thought to myself that the couple themselves had a heart of caring and trust to have wanted me to do a favour for them without knowing me at all.
They returned from their holiday,showed their gratitude towards me by inviting me into their home for Iranian tea and sweet treats that they brought back from Iran.They wholeheartedly thanked me for the little job.It was through this small favour asked and done that created a bridge to friendship and peaceful gestures……while sitting with them,I truly enjoyed myself and their company…it felt like hearts were being opened and touched.In both ways,we gained! To add to the little gardening job entrusted to me,I collected their mails and newspapers without their asking me to do so …….I did so out of my own heart’s conscience,to which they were very very grateful to me for as they said they did not even think about it.My heart felt comforted by their gratitude.
Little tasks and favours and things we do for each other without any want of returns and motives….open the gateway to selflessness and kindness and harnessing good karma(cause and effect),reap what we sow!
This brings me back to my childhood to what I witnessed with my parents,how they watered and tended the garden of my heart.
My mother was a quiet homely person who was a full-time housewife,she never liked going out much,some afternoons she would have these same 2-3 ladies visit her at home(Mary, Marjie and Brigitte) they would come to sit and chat with her,sometimes, I think,they drove my mother up the wall with their ‘nonsense chatter’……however,my mother would still be kind with them and made them tea and bought local cakes to entertain….but they all had these one thing about asking and borrowing from my mother for money…not much though.I would watch as my mother opened her purse and give them however little/much they asked for.Somehow I felt that my mother didn’t expect them to return the money,but they did return in whatever sum they could afford.I didnt see my mother making a big fuss about it.We were not a rich family. There were five young children to feed at the time, the sixth child came later on,my father was a simple man who earned a meager income just enough for all of us.
Despite my being so very young I somehow knew the value of money and knew we were not well to do for my mother to be giving out/lending money, yet seeing my mother give money to these ladies opened up a space in my heart to my own child like wisdom…it was good for me to see that my mother had a kindly demeanor,she was not selfish or hardened or ‘bad, even if she appeared sometimes ‘tight’with spending, it was because she had a big family to care for.It was comforting for me to notice she was soft inside, a softness that was not being taken advantage of….the ladies did give her back the money,perhaps not all but still some,so that makes her good and caring and trusting person.In seeing her do what she did, she nourished my heart and planted the seeds of kindness and charity.I saw that she gave but did not become poor or distraught by it,but instead she sowed good seeds and watered her own heart garden to later reap where her children in later years provided for her the best till her death.
Looking back at how my father impacted and watered the garden of my heart was very poignant….I always felt a very strong bond with my father…yet we never could meet eye to eye…….we would differ in opinions and decisions and were very much against each others outlook of life…….yet ironically……I felt my heart beat the same as his interiorly….he had a deep sense of spirituality and religiosity,he commanded a prayerful,simple and ‘god-fearing’ attitude in daily living….not in a regimented way but in a devout manner. I could not agree with him then nor did I yet see the goodness of his heart so easily touched with a child-like softness,easily to forgive,readily asking for forgiveness if he thought he did anything wrong and a very strong inclination to doing acts of sacrificial kindness for others.
I remember,he allowed two homeless families come live with us on makeshift cardboard beds in our huge living room and sacrificed to eating less in order that these families would be able to share our meal.I loved to see his big hearted-ness,not afraid to give and share despite us being not well to do.Yes he was always willing to take less so that others would have some too,mostly when it came to sharing food.I can still hear his voice roaring to us children…”I don’t say the word love often but I put it in action.” And he means to tell us to live in love and act on it! Now when I look back….I feel blessed and grateful for how he had planted some beautiful flowers and nurtured my heart’s garden graciously through his life.
In truth the garden of my heart was not always nurtured by a bed of roses and beautiful flowers and lush greenery by my parents/families nor society,nor culture,nor religion,nor country,nor the world but it was also filled with weeds, unfertile soil and overflooding,droughts and thorns and insect infestations leaving prolonged damaging effects and unhealthy nurturing conditions on my heart’s garden……..did I let the damage continue or did I tend to the garden and help make it conducive for flowers to bloom again! Yes, in truth, I had to pull the weeds, refill the garden with fertile soil, water it consistently and made sure,insects or thorns did not damage and choke the flowers……..I had to be responsible for the plot of beautiful garden gifted to me and tend to it with Love!
How would we tend to the garden of our hearts?
Humility is the key within us that can aid to unleash the courage and strength needed to sincerely bow to the power of forgiveness for ourselves and others……humility doesnt mean we stoop and succumb to the whims and fancies of others..to please,to be taken advantage of,to be bullied,to be needy,to be made foolish,that is humiliation!..…
Instead, humility is a tremendously effective powerhouse supply of positive and creative energies helping and guiding with an alive and awakened consciousness leading us to find our way inwards towards the Source of Love where we can access that power to forgive……when the Source is found…….the power can be unleashed and utilised…it is a tender and flexible and soft energy ready to offer mercy and compassion to ourselves and others………….…
We claim back our humanity, dignity and integrity through humility………we simply cannot find our way into the Source of Love and Truth with pride and arrogance and self righteousness,sloth,doubts, ill-will and fear……..there will be no direction and surrender to the building of trust and faith to lead the way!
Still very early on(sometime December 1998) in my journey of spiritual revelations, I used to spend occassional times with an elderly nun of the Grey sisters…one time ….I poured out some of my past transgressions to her……she asked me if I was willing to put down the heavy load that I was carrying…….without hesitation I said ‘YES’….she then asked if I would like to make a personal confession with her friend, a Monsignor at the chancery office of the Holy Rosary Cathedral in Vancouver….I agreed.
I remembered it was December 23rd 1998……..I must have spent more than an hour in confession(it was my last Catholic confession) with Monsignor Smith,crying and terribly remorseful of my past actions…….Monsignor was very humane and understanding towards me…….he pointed to a framed picture on the wall depicting a Jesus throwing a life saving bouy to a drowning man in a perilous sea………..I remembered feeling freed and relief on looking at the picture……………………I walked out of his office and into the Vancouver December rain and felt washed and JOYFUL and the peace gave me the courage to say …..I want to make amends and never be that same person again!!
During that confessional time…. I was looking at how my ignorance, selfish desires and anger/hatred had caused suffering upon myself and others and not how others have caused me to suffer…..it is the same….it is a vicious cycle…we get hurt and hurt others in return,unconsciously and deliberately………when we can start with ourselves first in any given situation of difficulty and misunderstandings……..when we can examine our conscience and see where does all these differences arise from…………..…
From our painful experiences of long standing pains and suffering,we can look deeply into ourselves…and from that looking,if we can try to find just one piece of our own self-inflicted misdeed,regret,flaw,bitterness,resentment and hatred then start from there to try to understand where it came from and why(usually from the past).For many people,it seems very difficult to forgive,especially to forgive ourselves first and to ask for forgiveness.
In our human weaknesses, we learned how to protect our past mistakes, we justify our misdeeds,we exonerate ourselves from responsiblities,we usually harden ourselves to blame the other or the situation and keep spinning stories in our minds to protect our rights and the fear of looking into our faults and vulnerabilities……..unconsciously,we are building a hard-packed ice wall around our hearts and block its power to forgive and find peace and joy and seeing the unconditional Love we are within!
We learned to keep repeating these patterns as though it is our human right to do so and thus forget to see our own faults and flaws and past mistakes and regrets etc……so the vicious cycle continues on and disturbs our inner being…making us feel unworthy,underserving of spiritual growth,feeling devoid of goodness and humane aliveness,we thus feel unable to forgive sincerely and compassionately.
Why are we afraid to forgive or ask for forgiveness?We have this tendency to think that forgiveness is a sign of weakness, that we loose ‘face'(our dignity and our rights)….that it will make the other/others feel good and right if we ask for their forgiveness,it will mean that it is our fault.And if we forgive,the other/others might make a mockery of us or reject and hurt back…so we repress and allow the stucked energies to fester within….and all these festering could surface as illnesses and continued hatred/anger which could/would lead to abuse and violence and jealousies and greed and neglect of self and others….like a broken record it spins out of control……..…
When we come to understand and realise where our inner conflicts arise from…we can feel a true sadness,remorse and repentance for ourselves……we can allow ourselves to become awashed with that wellspring of mercy and learn to forgive ourselves first and in return others…..it doesnt matter if forgiveness reaches or is accepted by other/others…………its the heart’s true and sincere intentions and effort to purify,make amends and heal that will bring peace and joy to oneself and others.Forgiveness empowers and restores harmony within us.Forgiveness also brings gratitude for the teachings of suffering and the graces to open ourselves to positive changes and healthy lifestyles….beneficial to self and others………………
Forgiveness is a pain-reliever….we feel joy and relief,when the pain is lifted,we feel peaceful to function again with renewed vitality and energy,just as when we have body pain and find great relief on taking an analgesic.We can feel gratitude and joy flowing in………………….
We all have made mistakes,so too can others do the same but do we allow ourselves to wallow in the guilt,shame and fears which creates more and more tension within ourselves,we loose sleep over the anxieties and this goes on to be a cause of disruption to being able to live a peaceful life for ourselves and others.Why punish ourselves when we can open the door of our being and let the afflictive emotions drain away by way of forgiveness.We can then create a clean slate to change and start again…………………When we forgive,we can reclaim our sense of well-being and self-worth…to feel whole again!
Simple meditation to forgive oneself and others
Sit calmly with the back straight up, know we only have this moment….become aware of why we sit…. to allow the free flow of forgiveness to open,bring the focus on the breath,become aware of our breathing through the nostril,feel the air in,note the expansion of the abdomen,hold that breath for a few seconds…”breathing in I am calm”……..slowly breathe out,notice the air releasing,the abdomen flattening……”breathing out,I am letting go of tension”.It is imperative to remain focused on the breathing,very soon the thoughts will come to play……simply be with the breath,when we feel agitation …..bring the focus back on the breath……….train the mind to come back each time it wanders through the breath.We don’t have to practice sitting for a long period of time,start with 3minutes and increase the time when we see our tolerance and adaptation to sitting.No need to be hard on oneself.
Emotions might flare up,watch, note it and see what it is trying to say,do,indicate.Note the emotions eg, sadness, unhappiness,anger,resentments,guilts,shame,fears,lust,jealousies,regrets,etc….do not identify with the thoughts or emotions and be caught in its trappings………they are energies within the body needing to surface.Always simply breathe and be with the breath……..when practiced fervently, it will help still the mind.
Remenber the breath is the sustainer of life….
The body too might become agitated with pain and irritation…discomforts arise, twitching, itchiness,move a little but don’t get caught in its distraction,be mindful only of the breath.Most importantly don’t be hard on oneself.One can start to learn patience and forbearance without being critical or judging anything…….every little ounce of effort we put in and make,we are coming closer to the truth,there is no need for any hard and fast rule to follow………….simply be present and sincere to all that we do…..nobody can heal us or is going to do the healing for us except ourselves……..when we find healing….we can then help others find their way too!
When we are ready we can then bring our attention to our inner states.We can start by recognising and acknowledging our pains….we have to be sincere and honest about it,We can see our sufferings,our heartaches,our feelings of self unworthiness,confusions,despair and heaviness.See where within us that carries the most weight in pain, the heart area,the abdominal area,the upper body/facial/head,pelvic area,the lower body/feet area and see how it feels like,can we put a description of it.What disturbances are felt in those areas.We might identify with lots of hatred,self loathing and resentment and anger and regrets for making mistakes and foolishness,for causing hurts to others and ourselves or seeing others hurting us.We might witness a lot of inner conflicts…..we might see our goodness,yet be confused with all the anger and aggressions going on within.Remember always that our true innate states are love,peace,and joy,everything else are afflictive negative energies collected over time which can be eradicated.
Don’t identify with anything that surfaces, be with it,it cannot do any harm…..it wants only healing,forgiveness, letting go and to be loved.If we feel an inkling to cry and express remorse,do so,allow the self to feel the movement of remorse to surface.In my own experience, I have cried buckets over doing this meditation in seeing how I have hurt myself and others.Doing this meditation is not about staying down feeling sorry(pity) for ourselves or others but to let go and make amends if possible.If making amends is not possible,do it symbolically….writing a letter to oneself then crushing or burning it,doing small charitable deeds,offerings of prayer or kind intentions for healing for others/oneself,etc…
While doing this,we can recite these words,or any words of expression to evoke repentance and to soften the heart…
May I find the strength to forgive myself
May I forgive myself for having hurt others
May I find courage to forgive others who have hurt me
In sincere forgiveness,we find ourselves opening up to the softness in our hearts and we experience the self changing for the better,we also see ourselves being aware and trying to not create the same mistakes.We start recognising how others are suffering the same and we develop an understanding and empathy for them,although we don’t condone the hurtful actions of others,we can generate compassion towards them.We will soon learn to love ourselves for being sincere,open to being humble,noble and courageous to participate in the act of contrition.Even if we fall again into temptation,we try not to beat ourselves up but earnestly try again to avoid that which offends….over and over…till it goes away eventually!
Stories of forgiveness
- I had read a true story of a mother in India whose very young son was murdered by his friend.At first the mother was suffocated by the pain of intense grief,anger and resentment for the boy who murdered her son but after a while,she could no longer bear the suffering of her pain,she asked to visit the boy in prison….while there,she told the boy….”I am going to kill you with love!”….from that time onwards she started to live what she had said to the boy…..she started to nourish within her forgiveness and compassion toward this boy and visited him regularly.The boy at first resented her and felt unworthy but later adapted to her kindly demeanour and started to develop a respectful relationship with her.Much later,after being released from prison,he went to live with her,the mother adopted and accepted this man as her own son…….
- A story of saint Maria Goretti,the year was in late 1890’s,Italy………..she was eleven years old,her family and another family shared an old house together,while one was living upstairs,the other lived downstairs.Both families, helped the owner of the house mind the fields in exchange for accomodation.One day, while Maria’s mother was tending to the fields,Maria was looking after her very young siblings.Her neighbour Alessandro, a young man of 19years of age,tried to seduce her to sexual acts but Maria refused and told him that it was sinful and that she would not do what he wanted.In a rage, he stabbed her 14 times,she managed to survive all the way to the hospital.While at the hospital bed,she said that she forgives Alessandro before dying.Alessandro was caught and imprisoned but remained hardened and unremorseful about his actions,not until years later when he had a dream of Maria Goretti giving him 14 stalks of flowers each for the wounds he had inflicted upon her,that he felt total repentance.He asked for a visit from Maria’s mother and begged forgiveness from her.She forgave him!They lived to witness Maria’s canonization years later.Upon release from prison,Alessandro spent his last days in a monastery doing menial works for the friars and monks.Pictured is Alessandro in his old age venerating the image of St.Maria Goretti.
- The greatest story ever told……….the story of Jesus,an enlightened being,simple and a great teacher of Love, humility and peace who wandered the land healing and showing compassion, encouraging peace and brotherly/sisterly love.While he was innocent propagating peace and love,there were religious people who were jealous and angered by the way he was teaching and portraying himself to be.For his innocence he was condemned to die a cruel and shameful death,death on the cross which was meant for criminals and slaves and those against Roman authority.While dying on the cross…….he still managed to breathe his last significant teaching…..forgiveness to his captors, to his friend(Judas) who hastened his capture,to the religious group of people who mocked his credibility,to Pontius Pilate who approved his condemnation to death,to his executioners who nailed him to the cross,and to the jeering crowd who heard him preaching love and peace,Jesus uttered these compassionate words …..”Father forgive them for they do not know what they do”……………………..
The Heart does not believe,it knows!
The Heart follows no other voice but its own….
It is a chamber of absolute Truth.
The heart allows the freedom of afflictive emotional states and experiences,yet has the resilience to resolve with understanding and compassion.
The Heart takes no part in duality,divisiveness and separation.
It beats in continuous unity with the whole of human and cosmic consciousness.
It cannot hold within its arena the destructive energies of hatred,anger,jealousy,selfishness,greed and maliciousness.
It harbors only innate qualities of wisdom,kindness,selflessness,forgiveness and tenderness.
When the Heart truly breaks,there can only come forth is the flow of Sweet Love!
“no one lights a lamp and hides it under a bed,instead he puts it on a stand so that anyone who comes in can see it” ~~~~~ Jesus
“no one lights a lamp and hides it under a bed,instead,he puts it on a stand,so that anyone who comes in can see the light”~~~~~~~~~~~Jesus
Sometime in July of 2016, I first started to be inspired, courageous and motivated to write and pour my inner revealing story of how a human being can be pulled from the wreckage of self destruction and misery into one of radical full recovery into spiritual wholeness.I want and l need to share the compassionate human experience as how I journeyed from suffering into self discovery.I write not from read texts of books or others’ experiences,I write from my simplistic heart,an urging within myself that needs to share and make known the spiritual awareness of daily life and living.
I write with no scholarly antics but from my own personal empirical transformative spiritual journey delving into self inquiry, spiritual disciplines and practices and devoted meditative sittings/walkings.I write from the lessons and insights I had learned,understood through the hours spent in medtitation and the personal experiences that I had encountered while traversing the human realm trying to undo and change from mistakes of the past.
I write not to be liked or disliked, neither to be recognised or be known.My writing is simply put….a sharing of my insights and experiences as I walked thru the healing journey.It is not meant to say that I know everything or ‘holier than thou’ or different. I am but only human who dared take up my cross(taking responsibilities for my own actions/mistakes),following a spiritual path and facing its consequences(paying the price for unnecessary sufferings)and extricating myself from its grip……….and being free from the past or the future,to be as I am in the Now…………….
It is as Jesus says,when we light a candle/lamp,we put it out,for others to see, so that others may be in need of a spark of brightness to see ahead, so that others may have hope that the fear of darkness is not permanent.Just as a lighthouse is built so that ships would not crash on the rocks and be doomed.
I went through an intense spiritual awakening 20 years ago in 1998 while on a 1 year working contract as an emergency room registered nurse in Saudi Arabia.I came back to British Columbia,Canada only after 3 months.What I saw and witnessed over in Saudi working as an RN was very traumatic to me.I came back home to Canada to never be the same person as I was before I left for Saudi.When I came back home the calling for a deeper spiritual and meditative life opened at a fast pace and I faced many challenges,trials and going through various transformation processes.
I write here for the only purpose and intention is to share the human spiritual experiences and journey from one of worldly which I had been living,frivolous,carefree,and ignorant of all the sufferings I endured wastefully and needlessly…….and now to a simple,frugal,contented and peaceful way of living…………..
I had no particular personal spiritual teacher nor am I affliated to any one traditional religious teaching,though I was born into a Catholic family and practised Catholicism most of my life.
While opening up to my inner self journey…….I followed dedicatedly to mainly Buddhist philosophy and teachings.My teachers were many through the various books and religious traditions I read.Some of my favourite teachers were Pema Chodron,Jack Kornfield,Ajahn Chah and Ajahn Brahm.Paramahansa Yogananda ,Echkart Tolle and many others.
Sometime in 2007,I had an exhilarating priviledge of sitting with Echkart Tolle,world renowned spiritual teacher and author of the world famous book …’The Power of Now’.It was wonderful being in the presence of this lovely man and sharing our spiritual experiences in that private sitting.It was a truly blessed time as he acknowledged my spiritual progress as I needed endorsement for my continuing growth in spirit.
My true teachers were the very people I was close to,walked and worked and lived in daily life,there were difficult ones, caring ones,soft and hard hearted ones,generous and selfish ones,foolish and insensitive ones,there were many who help teach me lessons I needed to pass through.I did not reject anyone of them,some of them yes, I feared more than others but still I had to learn lessons from them…… patience, humility,courage, kindness,the chance to learn charity and generosity,fortitude,trust,the power to forgive,and the strength to let go.
Most of all, I learned how to subdue my uncontrollable temper which those close to me can attest to,I also had to admit to unhealthy addictions that only caused unecessary sufferings to myself and others,which I had to learn how to understand from where its destructive roots arised and do away with all of them.
I learned that in life, one cannot escape any given situation of happiness or unhappiness,beautiful or ugly but to face everything and surrender to whatever is present,things will unfold and we will be given a renewed chance for us to work with in order to benefit ourselves and others.
In other words, Life itself is our true teacher…….we accept and embrace all aspects of life,good or bad,there is no all good or all bad.We allow the mystery of uncertainties and the unknown open us up to the truth of our very human existence.Healing is a long process we have to go through life with and every situation,every tragedy,every joy and every person is our teacher to help mold,inspire and pave the way for a Higher Sublime purpose.
The spiritual journey is not about being holy, pious,religious or saintly, but includes everything we experience in our daily lives,where we become aware of the lessons we learn from each one and grow into compassionate human beings acknowledging our sufferings/pains and joys/happiness and relating back the same to others.It encompasses everyone we meet and to reject no one we encounter in our daily life.It includes people dear and loved,acquaintances,strangers,difficult people and so called enemies(each of these people will hold a spiritual lesson to learn from).The spiritual experience is not about picking or choosing each person or life situation as we like but facing every one and everything that opens up to us and being present(aware) to see what we can do and learn from each and the freedom to choose how we grow or not grow from it!
We are all on this human journey(no one is left out) to help each other grow in spirit and help each other to put an end to pain and suffering and live in harmony wherever we are………….
Whatever I may have written or still to write,may resonate or sit true with some,others may have doubts or indifference.I write in the hope that someone or people may benefit or relate or sit true by my sharings.
I wish only for the highest good in everyone.