We have fearfully allowed the unawake, the limited,selfish and conditioned self have dominance and control in our lives that we have neglected and forgotten to courageously open the pathway into the Heart and set True Love to flourish.Thus we are confused as to which to abide with.
In true wisdom of caring for oneself,is when we begin to ‘wake up’to question our human existence and purpose,when we can put forth this question…”who am I truly?” .
It is when we start to become conscious of our participation in all actions of living and ask truly….”what am I learning/gaining from doing what I am doing?”Caring for oneself becomes authentic when we start taking an interest in self-inquiry,moving slowly away from people,things and situations that no longer fulfill inner satisfaction,human growth and spiritual maturity.
To care is when we begin the need for quiet restful time and space,when we seek out knowledge from teachers of truth and search for answers that have been buried too deep within the self.To truly care for ourselves is when we make an effort to be truthful in saying that we don’t know what we are looking for but yet giving ourselves a chance to do something extra-ordinary, different,courageous,motivational and radical(sweetly shocking to others) apart from everyday mundane,customary,unfavourable, irrelevent(addictive)actions.
It is a time when we give ourselves top-priority to witness selflessness in the true act of wisdom.It is a moment when we realize we want to be a ‘better’ human in order to acknowledge our sufferings and not want to be a burden to oneself and others(not especially so to those we say we care for).
We may feel strongly about not loving ourselves or being hardened,bitter,angry,jealous,greedy,selfish,too addicted to various activities and feel that we don’t deserve to care for ourselves and so we justify our recklessness and negligences.We tell ourselves that we cannot change,we rather continue living the life we are so used to(unhappily,disharmoniously?)…but in truth NOW IS THE TIME to Care!And as humans with innate beauteous treasures Within,we CAN be awake and we can start NOW!
This caring could be going on a short retreat(organized or solo,if permitted due to covid restrictions),Joining a group counselling session(via zoom or alone with a therapist),AA/addictions associations,to be open to a spiritual group.
To be inspired to volunteer to give your time and heart in a animal shelter, a soup kitchen,food bank,any ministry in need of help that speaks to your heart’s call.
To go to the library/bookshops and be open to read self-help/spiritual books,listen to audio/visuals on teachings that speak of working with the human awakening processes/truth/wisdom.
Importantly to strive to become more honest with oneself in cultivating and practiciing kindly and humane conditions for oneself and those around us.
If we do not Care for ourselves,who can,who will?If the others are seeing that we do not care for ourselves,what impressions/teachings are we implying to them?For if we do not care for ourselves,can we say we care for others,can we say we want peace and happiness,can we be the spark to light the torch of Peace and Compassion for humanity?
“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.”
~~~~~ Rumi,13th century Persian Poet and Sufi mystic ~~~~
Before my radical spiritual awakening in 1998,I was ignorant and in a continuous fight against the world,against everyone else who did not understand me or whatever that I was going through(pain and suffering,inner struggles and depression etc.).Yes, I was foolish to think that the world(others) must change to suit my needs,my selfish desires and to comfort me and my pains.At that time I was ‘unconscious’ to all the suffering that I was being plagued with.So all the more I defended and resisted and fought to have others pay attention to me and my ways of painful living conditions.In negligent selfishness,I wanted the others to change for me! I was ignorant to believe that the world would give me peace and ‘happiness’.Matter of fact, I did come to ‘hate’being in this world and that drove me to face even more disastrous consequences.Did I gain anything worthwhile by resisting, defending,being in denial,hitting out and desiring more and more from the world and others to change for me?NO! and it Never Will!
What I truly learned and gained was that I and only I had the power within to change myself,to make the effort and work full-heartedly to create the happiness,peace and loving/kindly conditions that I so expected and wanted the world to hand to me on a golden platter.I realized that all that I wanted was already innate Within me,waiting/beckoning within each and every human being.All that I had to do was to turn around and Face myself instead of looking out at the others,at the disturbances/enticements of the world.I had to undertake the journey/adventure of looking deeply,courageously and honestly at all the hindrances(fears, guilt,shame,hatred,jealousy,selfishness,desires,cravings,ignorance,attachments and afflictions,etc.) that I had built up blocking the path directly into the core/inner realm of my being.In other words,we pay attention to ourselves,not in a narcissistic way but a conscious/selfless way into healing and self-development to benefit oneself and others!
When the mind is tired and busy with worries and anxieties and too much unnecessary unpleasant ‘story-telling’…….sit quietly in your own reverent presence,pay attention to the heart and bring it out into the open and it will speak of comfort and tenderness and loving, gentle resonance….listen to it,trust it and become it.In order to end unnecessary suffering,the mind must be disciplined on how to be silent/still and the heart to be unafraid to be left unprotected and opened so to allow all things to be.
When we fight,encourage resentments,argue and be defensive with Life, it is like foolishly wanting to swim against the strongest of current.But when we allow ourselves to flow with the current(letting go of all attachments and clinging),we glide swiftly to become One with the great ocean, with the Universal Consciousness.
Time is of essence.NOW is the time to make peace,to be humble and to forgive(ourselves and others),to cherish,love and share delicate loving moments and even holding the hands of those who have not been held.Time for togetherness and time to take stock of our own life’s wellspring,a time and a chance to make beautiful changes.Suffering gives us an opportunity to till the soil of our souls for a good harvest.
When we surrender arrogance….we become humble,gentle and flexible,willing to learn
when we surrender the darkness of hatred and resentment….we switch on the light of Grace Within,
when we surrender selfishness…..we become selfless,caring and understanding
when we surrender unkindness…we share benevolence,respect and goodness
when we subdue anger/aggression…we find peace, contentment and joy
when we calm the restless mind….the Heart opens to Love with no conditions
when we recognize our fears,transgressions and inner pains…..we can act with courage,faith,trust and vigour to warrant healing and transformation
Surrender is not a sign of weakness or to be associated as being defeated/enslaved.Surrender is the wisdom to know true inner power(strength) of letting go and being free from all impurites and negativities that does not perpetuate beneficial and wholesome living for oneself and others.
What are we willing to let go?
To live in Truth means to live free in the wakefulness of loving consciousness.We live in truth so we do not fool others or be fooled by others…we are free to be ourselves,matured to take responsibilities,to not live on whims and fantasies and importatnly to be Present and unafraid to face all that life opens out for us.We thus are not living fearfully,afraid of jumping hurdles and fear about what others think, feel,threaten or influence us negatively.
Living in truth opens the path of not being fearful of losses and attachments.Living the truth wipes the falsehood of having to pretend to be/act/project something we are not,to live a lie,to deny access of authencity,to have to constantly defend and protect the deceiving ego.Therefore to know the truth,we have to live in Truth!
When we abide in Truth,in the Freedom to live authentically,joyfully,guilt free,unashamed to be True to ourselves with prudent fearlessness……..then we open up the path Inward to the Divine Wisdom and heavenly treasures of Love and Joy that are awaiting Within.
When we want to be kept continuously confused, agitated/ignorant,constantly disillusioned,divided and fragmented between the restless mind and the wise loving heart,then we look outside of the self and believe in the illusory voice of the world.
Luke chapter 17:verse 20-21(King James Version)And when Jesus was demanded of the Pharisees, when will the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.We keep wandering aimlessly on the surface,we are told to believe in this and that,to not do/to do this and that.But here,Jesus is giving straight directions to look deep within the self for the truth and the wonders of Love,Wisdom and Joy.He is also implying that we cannot find ‘God'(Truth,Love,Consciousness) or even happiness either from here or there or anywhere outside of the self….it is only to be found Within!
This is a profound teaching of Jesus and all enlightened teachers of truth,a universal message meant for all beings.
When we bathe ourselves in merciful compassion and forgiveness,we slowly wash away the grime of guilt, shame,fears, past transgressions,regrets,and faults.We can feel the release of heaviness and burdens that we wastefully carry along our lives.Like the butterfly,a new way of living can emerge filled with so much Goodness and Lightness that we can display and offer.When we live in the Universal law of Loving Conciosness,and abide in Truth,we live in the freedom of letting go(not wanting to control) and the fearlessness of surrendering to accept all circumstances.
Upon immediate arrival back in Vancouver from Saudi Arabia in November 1998,I went to live temporarily at my mother’s small apartment while she was away.One night in utter despair,fearful and lamenting of my brokenness and helplessness,I turned on the TV,a Christian evangelical program came on offering prayers to anyone who needed it to call the number on the screen.Without hesitation, I called in to ask for prayers.In less than a week,a package arrived(November 16th 1998) from Evangelist Peter Popoff with detailed instructions of what to do with the contents of the package.
There was a small sachet filled with so called ‘holy water’from the Jordan river in Israel.I was asked to pour the water on my head before going to bed that very same night of receivng the package.I was told to put a Bible if I had one under my pillow and to sleep on it and that I will have a dream following all instructions as directed.I was happy to find a Bible on my mother’s bedside table(it was good to know that she kept one always beside her).So I did as all as I was told to do with a child-like simplicity, trust and fervour without any expectations,but probably out of desperation and urgency of my sorry state.
I did have a dream that same night of hearing a voice repeatedly telling me,”have faith as small as a mustard seed.”I got up with a sense of joyful relief!
Then I questioned myself,how can I have faith when everything around and within me have fallen apart.I have lost everything,jobless,financially empty and in big debts,physically gripped in ill-health, mentally/emotionally broken, depressed.I saw myself like a jig-saw puzzle with all the pieces strewn all over the place…where do I begin to pick each piece and be whole again?
FAITH was the key word,to be motivated and deeply convinced,to trust by fearlessness and the drive to do something noble and true,so I knew a place where I would go to find refuge….an empty quiet church!
November the 17th,a significant day…..I arrived at St.Paul’s church,Richmond,BC.standing outside at the main door feeling like an ‘escaped criminal’,I humbly surrendered myself willing to accept anything that I would have to face.I subjected myself to the great unknown as I wanted so badly to quench and feed my parched soul in need of Spiritual food/drink.I came out of church that day to face a different direction,A New Spiritual Beginning…the process of letting go,of dying to my old self and ego,the burning down of a dilapidated house,like the snake shedding its dead skin.For the first time, I was starting to embrace myself and feel the tenderness for all my regrets, mistakes,wasteful/unnecessary sufferings and flaws that I was now witnessing within myself Truthfully!