The Warrior Without an Enemy

The Warrior without an Enemy

I Am that warrior who fights without a sword,

I Am that warrior who is protected without a shield,

I Am that warrior who sees no enemies around me,

I Am that warrior whose purpose is to slay the ‘demons’within me,

I Am that warrior who champions fearlessly for Love,without prize or crown,

I Am that warrior who knows suffering and who seeks only to spread awareness of its wastefulness!

Author of ‘To Resurrect the True self’

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Kindness in the time of Covid

(This was written at the onset of covid in March 2020)

I truly love this picture taken by my sister,Nina on her kindly rounds looking for the homeless to feed in this dreadful time of the virus.It is a beautiful picture that depicts not of mockery or sympathy but one of charity,both sides helping one another.The one in the picture is giving the one taking the picture a chance to do a deed of benevolence.What I like most in the picture is the tin of cookies that Nina left on the bag for him to eat! A small act of kindness and courage to walk on the streets during this time when everyone else is at home.Some may think it to be a foolish deed during this time but I feel it is a noble act.

Very often while Nina and I used to drive around ,she would point out to me these homeless and broken people and say to me….”these are my people!”.She used to tell me that she would like to buy food for them on her ‘payday’ and hand it out to them.I encourage her,never even for once being afraid because of the crisis going on.So she did it and I admire her for it.I write to tell of her story not because she is my sister but because this picture is a picture of beauty of the heart,a work of compassion and kindness in action.

This is what Nina says in her own words……..”What can we do for these people, I call them my people, lost, no place to call home and just high on drugs. Oh I’m sure the government have tried to help them but I’m sure they probably refused the help because of their mental state of mind afflicted by depression, rejection,desperation and tormented by the grips of addiction and worthlessness.In these time of Covid and still very cold outside, quite a few just fall straight to sleep on alleyways and especially around 7 Eleven’s or MacDonalds. They’re humans no matter what they’ve become, hopeless downtrodden and sneered by many but they still need to eat and be cared for. I have bought a few cookies and if I should see them in my surrounding areas, I’ll offer them a tin, whether they choose to eat, it’s up to to them. I know God still cares for them and I’m happy to help in a small way, even if we only feed one, then that one survives hopefully.”

When we sincerely open our hearts to look within,what do or can we see of ourselves?

When we look at this picture what could be thoughts and emotions that might be evoked.We might think, this doesn’t happen in this day and age.Perhaps,we will feel disgust,despair,shamefulness.Yet maybe we might feel a twinge of connectedness and hopefulness we can give ourselves a chance to open our hearts to respond with humaneness to humanity itself!

Being Humble

To be genuinely humble,we allow ourselves the courage and willingness to be open to learn wisely,to accept and simply be with whatever is present and happening right Now.We can be resilient to life’s challenges and adverse situations and know that we are giving ourselves the chance of learning to not resist,defend,deny and avoid running away from the truth.Humility is an antidote to pride/arrogance(ego-centirc motivations).Pride and arrogance block the path to peaceful,joyful and loving endeavours and living.

Finding Wonder in this Moment

Can we find wonder in this moment?

Very often we forget to witness the ordinary moments that are extraordinary! Do we miss the wonderment of life unfolding through the visible eye in nature,the sounds that we can hear of truth and joy,the voice that we can speak of praise and love,the sense of touch to hold/hug and show care and to comfort.

We can initiate the creativity of the compassionate heart to exercise forgiveness for self and others, to reach out to those less fortunate and the miracle of courage to loosen all fears in order to open the blocked passage inwards into the self to find exquisite treasures of our True Self.

Nobody can undertake this wondrous journey for us,but only we ourselves.Every moment is a time and a chance for courage to create and witness a miracle!

http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com

New Year’s Eve Reflection

As the last day of the year dawns,some of us might ponder or reflect upon the whole year to find goodness to share or witnesss unhealthy memories we might want to suppress and afraid to face again.Whatever have been of the past ,is of the past,we simply went through and experienced at that moment in time.Whats more important is the present moment,we can start opening up ourselves to learn, make changes and start afresh…..we all have the capacity/courage to forgive,make amends, heal and find peace,anything is possible!

When we truly go within ourselves,we discover there is only Love residing in each being,so therefore there is no need of fear!Whatever we will go through,there is no good or bad,we will go through with the courage to allow(accept) it to be as it would be.Come the New Year or leaving behind the old year,we will face challenges,difficulties,disasters of nature/accidents,entangled mental/emotions within the self as well as with others,physical ailments,etc…..and of course there will be happy,joyous times we want to cling on to.What do we truly want to do about the realities of life and living.We might say…..”ah! just live on,what can we do,we might also say we leave it in the hands of a God.”

In truth, we hold within ourselves,the creation, destruction and restoration of all that is good or unwholesome.If we want peace,we become creators of peace,if we want to hold on to hatred and animosity,we create it deliberately or unconsciously and make our lives miserable by it.We have the power of practicing Awareness to keep ourselves in check of all that we create,destroy or restore! There is totally no reason to deprive ourselves of enjoyments but with equanimity and balance and mindfulness,we don’t allow to be caught in its destructive habits.I myself love to have simple wholesome fun times!

I like this phrase so much…….”He who discovers his/her own self,discovers God.”

Wishing each one of you,the blessedness of welcoming the New Year 2022 with whatever each day and each moment of the year bring to you with acceptance and grace!

Happy blessed New Year!

Freedom from suffering by Paying Attention

Freedom from suffering by Paying Attention Are we willing to listen,to be attentive?Do we try to listen with the understanding of the loving and wise heart or through the confused,disturbed mind?Do we listen only to those whom we like or told to like and believe in?When we truly listen to the words being said and not by whom is saying it,we may get the true message and meaning that might resonate,comfort and bring forth the innate wisdom within us.Are we ashamed of expressing our true feelings?Do we find ourselves in superficial/worldly chatter constantly which leave us feeling drained and wasteful.Perhaps we could also be shut in within ourselves,unwilling and afraid of sharing inner pains due to vulnerability of being ridiculed,chided,taunted and poked fun at,to be made to feel abnormal and insignificant?

Listening and expressing are vital parts and parcel of our every day living.Do we make that listening and expressing beneficial for our well-being and spiritual growth?We can ask ourselves often in quiet reflections and when probing into our conscience.Very often we may not have someone to truly sit with us to listen and allow us to express ourselves.Most often too we ourselves cannot do the same for others.I believe talking(dialogue) and expressing are important for us as humans to want to be heard and be allowed to release the inner energies that aid in the healing process.When we are given a chance to talk and express feelings openly and sincerely to someone who is willing to listen,we can start hearing and tune-in into ourselves,we can start deep listening to what we are trying to bring out/clear out of our inner being(cathartic) as a way of honouring and starting to be honest with oneself.

Sitting/being with a friend or someone close and trying to honestly talk and listen attentively/deeply can be draining so most times we are unable to share and open up.Fear locks us in the painful realm of our being.The danger of being unable and unwilling to talk and express,we keep ourselves battling inwardly/outwardly in superficiality(from egoic intentions) and pretense(trying to look good perhaps bad).The ongoing bottled aggression/resentments inside ourselves block the freedom to live consciously,in truthful wisdom and with open loving-kindness.Thus we allow anger,hatred,hurts,selfish pursuits and unhealthy habits to prevail.So what do we do?We seek a neutral party/person to listen to us and for us to express.Nowadays its not hard to do that,there are so many paths of accessing help to find some form of relief( a little is better than nothing at all) to release our inner anxieties,worries,heartaches, griefs,fears,problems,depressions and traumatic experiences,etc.We do not have to live with darkness within our being alone!There are the crisis hotline/helpline, any organization eg.alcoholic anoynmous/sexual addiction,church group,a Spiritual teacher,religious person(priest/nun/rabbi/monk),a kindly trustworthy person,a therapist,listening via audio/visual teachings,to self-help talks,etc.When we are creative and sincere with ourselves, the door opens to every form of possibilities!Oftentimes, we think we are ok,we deny that we need any kind of help and keep playing cool, as long as we can get away from facing the truth of our inner conflicts.Yes, I myself utilized many crisis organizations like alcoholics anonymous,seek spiritual counselling with a priest and nun and phone centres,etc.

When I hit rock-bottom in 1998,bankrupt to the bone(debts owing),lost,broken into pieces,spiritually parched,depressed beyond words and with failing health condition……I had only one way to go……..Into and Within Myself! I knew I had no one to talk to,no one who would listen to me with kindness and understanding as everyone was waiting to lash out at me for my own stupidity,stubbornness,wrongdoings and mistakes.Can anyone even imagine my terrors as I came back from nursing in Saudi Arabia in total disaster,I felt like there was nothing left of me!Now I can see that I was slowly dying to the ‘old-self’.I see the truth that intense suffering actually brought me back to Life!

Then I remembered an aquaintance,she was working as a receptionist at my dentist’s office and sometimes we chatted while I waited for the dentist.She told me at one time that she was seeing a good therapist for her relationship problems.I called her up and invited her for sushi dinner.At dinner, I asked for the name and number of the therapist that she was seeing.The first day I met Ardelle(therapist),I must say I was ‘cocky’ and desperate and terribly impatient to be freed from all my sufferings all at once! I told her that I dont want to waste time and needed her to help get rid of my problems.She was the most wonderful therapist that I had worked with. In a calmly manner,she said to me….”you have a choice to choose healing and be free from your sufferings or you can leave and continue to suffer,only you can help yourself”.I felt a hard slap on my face and chose to leave her office in a foolish rage that day.After much thought,I came back to see her and we continued faithfully working so well together 3x a week for one and a half years.I saw every aspect of myself that I had failed to see and acknowledgeI had a good look at every corner of my inner being by expressing and listening to myself open up honestly to Ardelle.

The good and the bad and every dark secret became no more a secret.Ardelle had assisted in helping me pull out the weeds that were destroying the beautiful garden of my heart.In place she helped me plant beautiful flowers simply by listening and supporting and encouraging.In my sessions with her, I had to be thoroughly honest and truthful.With her I was able to express myself fully without being threatened or fearful.She allowed me to be!

Can we find the time to pay attention to ourselves…to listen and to express our inner difficulties as well as triumphs(humbly) in order to be Free from the slavery of unnecessary suffering!

http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com

Do we Care for Ourselves?

In true wisdom of caring for oneself,is when we begin to ‘wake up’to question our human existence and purpose,when we can put forth this question…”who am I truly?” .

It is when we start to become conscious of our participation in all actions of living and ask truly….”what am I learning/gaining from doing what I am doing?”Caring for oneself becomes authentic when we start taking an interest in self-inquiry,moving slowly away from people,things and situations that no longer fulfill inner satisfaction,human growth and spiritual maturity.

To care is when we begin the need for quiet restful time and space,when we seek out knowledge from teachers of truth and search for answers that have been buried too deep within the self.To truly care for ourselves is when we make an effort to be truthful in saying that we don’t know what we are looking for but yet giving ourselves a chance to do something extra-ordinary, different,courageous,motivational and radical(sweetly shocking to others) apart from everyday mundane,customary,unfavourable, irrelevent(addictive)actions.

It is a time when we give ourselves top-priority to witness selflessness in the true act of wisdom.It is a moment when we realize we want to be a ‘better’ human in order to acknowledge our sufferings and not want to be a burden to oneself and others(not especially so to those we say we care for).

We may feel strongly about not loving ourselves or being hardened,bitter,angry,jealous,greedy,selfish,too addicted to various activities and feel that we don’t deserve to care for ourselves and so we justify our recklessness and negligences.We tell ourselves that we cannot change,we rather continue living the life we are so used to(unhappily,disharmoniously?)…but in truth NOW IS THE TIME to Care!And as humans with innate beauteous treasures Within,we CAN be awake and we can start NOW!

This caring could be going on a short retreat(organized or solo,if permitted due to covid restrictions),Joining a group counselling session(via zoom or alone with a therapist),AA/addictions associations,to be open to a spiritual group.

To be inspired to volunteer to give your time and heart in a animal shelter, a soup kitchen,food bank,any ministry in need of help that speaks to your heart’s call.

To go to the library/bookshops and be open to read self-help/spiritual books,listen to audio/visuals on teachings that speak of working with the human awakening processes/truth/wisdom.

Importantly to strive to become more honest with oneself in cultivating and practiciing kindly and humane conditions for oneself and those around us.

If we do not Care for ourselves,who can,who will?If the others are seeing that we do not care for ourselves,what impressions/teachings are we implying to them?For if we do not care for ourselves,can we say we care for others,can we say we want peace and happiness,can we be the spark to light the torch of Peace and Compassion for humanity?

http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com

The Courage to Change Consciously

“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.”

~~~~~ Rumi,13th century Persian Poet and Sufi mystic ~~~~

Before my radical spiritual awakening in 1998,I was ignorant and in a continuous fight against the world,against everyone else who did not understand me or whatever that I was going through(pain and suffering,inner struggles and depression etc.).Yes, I was foolish to think that the world(others) must change to suit my needs,my selfish desires and to comfort me and my pains.At that time I was ‘unconscious’ to all the suffering that I was being plagued with.So all the more I defended and resisted and fought to have others pay attention to me and my ways of painful living conditions.In negligent selfishness,I wanted the others to change for me! I was ignorant to believe that the world would give me peace and ‘happiness’.Matter of fact, I did come to ‘hate’being in this world and that drove me to face even more disastrous consequences.Did I gain anything worthwhile by resisting, defending,being in denial,hitting out and desiring more and more from the world and others to change for me?NO! and it Never Will!

What I truly learned and gained was that I and only I had the power within to change myself,to make the effort and work full-heartedly to create the happiness,peace and loving/kindly conditions that I so expected and wanted the world to hand to me on a golden platter.I realized that all that I wanted was already innate Within me,waiting/beckoning within each and every human being.All that I had to do was to turn around and Face myself instead of looking out at the others,at the disturbances/enticements of the world.I had to undertake the journey/adventure of looking deeply,courageously and honestly at all the hindrances(fears, guilt,shame,hatred,jealousy,selfishness,desires,cravings,ignorance,attachments and afflictions,etc.) that I had built up blocking the path directly into the core/inner realm of my being.In other words,we pay attention to ourselves,not in a narcissistic way but a conscious/selfless way into healing and self-development to benefit oneself and others!

www,celestehoedenauthor.com

Bathing in Self-Compassion

When we bathe ourselves in merciful compassion and forgiveness,we slowly wash away the grime of guilt, shame,fears, past transgressions,regrets,and faults.We can feel the release of heaviness and burdens that we wastefully carry along our lives.Like the butterfly,a new way of living can emerge filled with so much Goodness and Lightness that we can display and offer.When we live in the Universal law of Loving Conciosness,and abide in Truth,we live in the freedom of letting go(not wanting to control) and the fearlessness of surrendering to accept all circumstances.

http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com

Faith as small as a mustard seed

Upon immediate arrival back in Vancouver from Saudi Arabia in November 1998,I went to live temporarily at my mother’s small apartment while she was away.One night in utter despair,fearful and lamenting of my brokenness and helplessness,I turned on the TV,a Christian evangelical program came on offering prayers to anyone who needed it to call the number on the screen.Without hesitation, I called in to ask for prayers.In less than a week,a package arrived(November 16th 1998) from Evangelist Peter Popoff with detailed instructions of what to do with the contents of the package.

There was a small sachet filled with so called ‘holy water’from the Jordan river in Israel.I was asked to pour the water on my head before going to bed that very same night of receivng the package.I was told to put a Bible if I had one under my pillow and to sleep on it and that I will have a dream following all instructions as directed.I was happy to find a Bible on my mother’s bedside table(it was good to know that she kept one always beside her).So I did as all as I was told to do with a child-like simplicity, trust and fervour without any expectations,but probably out of desperation and urgency of my sorry state.

I did have a dream that same night of hearing a voice repeatedly telling me,”have faith as small as a mustard seed.”I got up with a sense of joyful relief!

Then I questioned myself,how can I have faith when everything around and within me have fallen apart.I have lost everything,jobless,financially empty and in big debts,physically gripped in ill-health, mentally/emotionally broken, depressed.I saw myself like a jig-saw puzzle with all the pieces strewn all over the place…where do I begin to pick each piece and be whole again?

FAITH was the key word,to be motivated and deeply convinced,to trust by fearlessness and the drive to do something noble and true,so I knew a place where I would go to find refuge….an empty quiet church!

November the 17th,a significant day…..I arrived at St.Paul’s church,Richmond,BC.standing outside at the main door feeling like an ‘escaped criminal’,I humbly surrendered myself willing to accept anything that I would have to face.I subjected myself to the great unknown as I wanted so badly to quench and feed my parched soul in need of Spiritual food/drink.I came out of church that day to face a different direction,A New Spiritual Beginning…the process of letting go,of dying to my old self and ego,the burning down of a dilapidated house,like the snake shedding its dead skin.For the first time, I was starting to embrace myself and feel the tenderness for all my regrets, mistakes,wasteful/unnecessary sufferings and flaws that I was now witnessing within myself Truthfully!

http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com