When we bathe ourselves in merciful compassion and forgiveness,we slowly wash away the grime of guilt, shame,fears, past transgressions,regrets,and faults.We can feel the release of heaviness and burdens that we wastefully carry along our lives.Like the butterfly,a new way of living can emerge filled with so much Goodness and Lightness that we can display and offer.When we live in the Universal law of Loving Conciosness,and abide in Truth,we live in the freedom of letting go(not wanting to control) and the fearlessness of surrendering to accept all circumstances.
Tag: compassion
Faith as small as a mustard seed
Upon immediate arrival back in Vancouver from Saudi Arabia in November 1998,I went to live temporarily at my mother’s small apartment while she was away.One night in utter despair,fearful and lamenting of my brokenness and helplessness,I turned on the TV,a Christian evangelical program came on offering prayers to anyone who needed it to call the number on the screen.Without hesitation, I called in to ask for prayers.In less than a week,a package arrived(November 16th 1998) from Evangelist Peter Popoff with detailed instructions of what to do with the contents of the package.
There was a small sachet filled with so called ‘holy water’from the Jordan river in Israel.I was asked to pour the water on my head before going to bed that very same night of receivng the package.I was told to put a Bible if I had one under my pillow and to sleep on it and that I will have a dream following all instructions as directed.I was happy to find a Bible on my mother’s bedside table(it was good to know that she kept one always beside her).So I did as all as I was told to do with a child-like simplicity, trust and fervour without any expectations,but probably out of desperation and urgency of my sorry state.
I did have a dream that same night of hearing a voice repeatedly telling me,”have faith as small as a mustard seed.”I got up with a sense of joyful relief!
Then I questioned myself,how can I have faith when everything around and within me have fallen apart.I have lost everything,jobless,financially empty and in big debts,physically gripped in ill-health, mentally/emotionally broken, depressed.I saw myself like a jig-saw puzzle with all the pieces strewn all over the place…where do I begin to pick each piece and be whole again?
FAITH was the key word,to be motivated and deeply convinced,to trust by fearlessness and the drive to do something noble and true,so I knew a place where I would go to find refuge….an empty quiet church!
November the 17th,a significant day…..I arrived at St.Paul’s church,Richmond,BC.standing outside at the main door feeling like an ‘escaped criminal’,I humbly surrendered myself willing to accept anything that I would have to face.I subjected myself to the great unknown as I wanted so badly to quench and feed my parched soul in need of Spiritual food/drink.I came out of church that day to face a different direction,A New Spiritual Beginning…the process of letting go,of dying to my old self and ego,the burning down of a dilapidated house,like the snake shedding its dead skin.For the first time, I was starting to embrace myself and feel the tenderness for all my regrets, mistakes,wasteful/unnecessary sufferings and flaws that I was now witnessing within myself Truthfully!
Crisis in the desert calling me to come home!
In 1998,I was going through a terribly depressing time while working at the emergency department at the National Guard Hospital in Jeddah,Saudi Arabia.The weather was scorching hot,even the air-conditioning in the apartment was blowing warm air.It was becoming increasingly unbearable and my restlessness was escalating.It came to a point where I went through a crisis that could have caused me to lose my sanity! I could not sleep for one whole week,not a wink!Each time I tried to lay down in bed, I was so tormented that I had to get up…this went on day and night for seven straight days.I still had to function the 12-hour shift at the emergency department despite the sleep deprivation.
I tried every remedy,sleeping pills,teas,etc.still no sleep came.Maggie, my flatmate was concerned,she suggested,I go see the emergency doctor for an injection to help sleep.So I went after 7 nights and days without sleep,almost at the tip of a breakdown.Before I could see the doctor, the emergency room Head nurse saw me and asked what I was doing at the department.She called me in to her office and told me that the management were happy with me and that there was a possibility of making me clinical nurse instructor of ER.That even frightened me further.I told her that I was not happy and wanted to hand in my resignation,giving one month’s notice.She seemed offended and asked that I leave with immediate effect,so I did!
After going around the hospital getting signatures from various departments in order to get my passport and salary released to buy a ticket back home to Vancouver.After completing all the necessary arrangements for resignation,I went back to the apartment….dead tired,in extreme exhaustion,mentally,emotionally,physically and psychologically depleted of any more energy to function,I fell down immediately to sleep but with a sense of relief of the decision made to leave Saudi with immediate effect.Not long after falling into a deep sleep,I was awakened by a voice clearly calling out my name “Celeste” three times.It sounded so close like as though someone was calling directly into my ear! I woke up immediately to see who it was waking me up! I actually got up and walked round the huge apartment from corner to corner searching for that voice!From that moment,I knew I had to come home to face the unknown and that my life will change radically! A short few days later,I was on the plane,crying all the way on that long flight back home.Underneath all that feeling of distraught was a sense of seeming joy awaiting my arrival Home.
A New Beginning was being prepared as I had to wake up for the fearless journey of Inner Revolution into myself….to listen,to pay loving attention and witness the True Light beckoning from Within!There was no more fighting against Life….I had began learning from what Life wanted to teach and open out for me!
http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com
author of the book To Resurrect the True Self
Discerning the Truth
Deep within the heart, the self,we are all(yes, every single human being irregardless of religion, race, creed,gender,etc.)we are already on the spiritual path,each one is already awake and enlightened and is truly able to practice, to live in the way of truth and unconditional love,to exercise wisdom and peacefulness,to enjoy and rejoice in works of kindness and charity and to be an asset to humanity,to be creators of harmony!
Why do we not experience this truth?
The spirit/the true self is blocked,drowned by the variety of seductive noises of the world,by the hurdles we dare not jump over,the doors of favourable selfless opportunities that we are afraid to open,the taunting pressure of others that threaten the courage of opening to the truth and by the ego-centric desires/attachment to remain in the ‘comfort-zone’of falsehood.Therefore how do we hear the still small voice of Truth calling from Within?
Whose voice are you willing to pay important attention to?The world/others or to your own Truth Within?Are we willing to live in the illusion of ‘false hope’ or the courage to live our lives facing and living in the Truth?
http://www.celestehoedenauthor.com
Author of ‘To Resurrect the True Self’
Opening the Eyes of Consciousness
When I see through the eyes of Love, I see no enemies…
When I see through the eyes of Peace, I learn to forgive and let go of past wrongdoings…
When I see through the eyes of Charity, I cultivate understanding and respect for the helpless and those hurting…
When I see through the eyes of Joy,my Heart flutters with kindness to give comfort and ease…
When I see through the eyes of Humility,I allow myself the courage and strength to be opened to responsibilities instead of blame…
When I see through the eyes of Mercy and Forgiveness,I admit my own mistakes and that of others…
When I see through the eyes of Patience,I come to surrender being in the Moment,to learn and to accept…
When I see through the eyes of Faith and Trust,everything becomes an experience without resistence,denial and defense…
When I see through the eyes of Compassionate Wisdom,I learn to not be fearful to the Truth…
When I see through the eyes of Awareness,I see myself One with the Whole of Creation!
https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com
A Compassionate Sharing of the Heart
I resonate with all those who are suffering severely in this winter months.My heart opens in compassion for the lonely(those who have lost loved and dear ones,to those about to lose loved ones through terminal illnesses)the heartbroken,the disabled,the seniors,the sick,the poor,the homeless,the mentally challenged,victims of bully and hatred,anger and violence,to those women,children and victims of war-torn countries….how much of suffering they endure in the worst of terrorized circumstances.To all of us tormented by fear and our lives disrupted by the dreaded spread of covid-19.I sit in quietness and breathe in and out offering sincere good wishes(prayers)for all our safety and protection and end of suffering.May all beings be free of suffering.
Most endearing to my heart is the remembrance of my time walking on the streets of Eastside Downtown Vancouver especially so in this cold,windy,rainy and sometimes snowy times of the winter months where I would walk for 4-5 nights a week being with women and men as well,who would sell and abuse their bodies,intoxicate themselves with heavy drug usage and have no inkling about life or death.These winter months are the worst for them….to stand in the cold and be drenched in rain/snow…..almost inhuman,how and what they subject themselves into just to make some money to feed their various hardcore cravings. Underneath all those atrocities and sufferings….there is a human heart filled with a potential to open to Love.Although they might be condemned or judged for their own mistakes and faults and transgressions….we too share the same transgressions to a much more contained extent.They are mothers,wives, sisters,daughters,sons,fathers and loved ones,left downtrodden,homeless and forgotten.Most of them have/had scarred their bodies so grotesquely.Most lost their teeth,their bodies ravaged by needle marks and scabs and infected wounds,some were beautiful(thru photos they kept and shown to me)and now unrecognizable!No matter what, the Christmas season is always painful for them. The sadness they faced of being separated from children and loved ones,owning up to their follies and mistakes but too caught up with the addictions.Not being able to celebrate the festive season,they talk of their unworthiness and self-loathing, low esteem.There are also the hardened cynical ones who would speak crudely of the Christmas festivities.As I walked,tears would sometimes run down my cheeks….there was nothing I could do……..I brought along my opened heart,to give hugs,a kiss,a hand to hold and caress,a listening ear,my shoulders to cry on,a few words of comfort,my stilled presence and a quiet inner compassionate disposition.
I share a story of Alice,known for her violence and had assualted someone with a pair of scissors.During my walk on the streets, I noticed Alice(after a while,I got to know most of them personally) with a big infected boil the size of a grape on one of her wrist.I offered to take her to emergency.She reluctantly agreed,so I told her to wait for me after I have completed my routine walk.She was waiting for me as I had told her surprisingly.As soon as she came into my car,she demanded for a certain sum of money.I calmly declined.She was escalating and kept demanding angrily, refusing to go to the emergency as planned.I saw in her hand she had a sharp-edged hairbrush.I remained collected and declined to give any money.She threatened to beat someone to get money, she also shouted that she was going to rob a store to get the money.By then, she was banging hard on the dashboard,screaming/shouting profanities insisting for money.I told her that she could do whatever she wanted to do but I am not going to give her any money to buy drugs.I gently reminded her that I cared for her and promised to take her to emergency to help treat her infected wrist.I was aware she had the hairbrush in her hand.Soon tears flowed down my face and she could see my sadness,that I was adamant to not give her money despite her fury.She stopped and walked out my car banging the door so hard upon exit.I drove away crying as usual for both our sufferings.
One day after a few weeks of not seeing her on the streets,she was standing at her usual corner and approached me,gave me a hug and a handmade rosary.What joy that brought to my heart.She later left for another location and I never saw her again.
https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com
The Voice of the Heart
Home
Let the Heart be broken
Whatever we need to feel in this moment,we allow ourselves to feel.Let the pain,grief, hurt,disappointments,loss,betrayals and joys open the path into the Heart and break open its door.Let yourself be not afraid of opening into the heart,for it is wise and knows how to fully feel its capacity and work its way to healing.When we fear to break the Heart,we block the True path to God(Love).
Whereas when we depend on the continuous troubled state of the mind,it finds ways only to escape the afflictions thus prolonging pain and suffering, trapping us in clinging and hankering for happy, pleasureable and false enticements.
No matter what we may think,feel or believe ourselves to be,we are Pure energy of Love and Consciousness,incapable of deliberate injurious intentions! And while we travel along the journey of life,it is a purpose to find our way into the Heart to witness,be and live that Truth of who we are and so make the world around us a brighter place to be in for ourselves and all those we associate with.
Can we truly reflect on this…..if we do not have love,joy and kindness to offer of ourselves…who or what are we?
https;//www.celestehoedeauthor.com
The Spiritual Love story
Some of us may have come across many times in our lives to hear of the words ‘spiritual journey’ and others may have no clue or have no regard of these words and what it means.To some it could conjure a frightening sense of it to be all a supernatural type of thing not for the faint -hearted or perhaps religious practices meant for extraordinary people or even ascertained as sanctimonious pursuits to reach a goal of ‘holiness’.So therefore we shun and disregard the word spiritual altogether.
As long as some of us might belong/practice or belief in a religious tradition or the some of us who are not affliated to any one religious tradition….we carry on with our daily lives as per usual forgetting who we truly are!
The spiritual journey is but a simple,direct, authentic process without a goal or pursuit of any kind of state or title.We can change the word journey to become adventure,thus call it ‘spiritual-adventure’.It is a True Love story,a love affair with ourselves,for ourselves to be of benefit to everyone,yes, even to those who cause harm and dislike us!We see ourselves as a noble,courageous and benevolent knight battling compassionately to release the imprisoned self from ‘demons'(the pain and suffering of fears, hatred,anger,greed, selfishness,jealousies,resentments,guilt, unhealthy habitual traits,and afflicted states,cravings/desires,attachment,etc.)The knight is seen bravely and lovingly removing toxic energies blocking the path into the knowing/witnessing of who we truly are…The True Self,we can call it ‘God/Godliness’ as in the attributes of Pure Awareness,Love(compassion), Wisdom and child-like innocent/simplistic Joy(our original state of being).
When the knight devotedly, valiantly and nobly enters the battlefield to truly,sincerely fight for the cause of Love,Peace and Kindness,the war is won and the True Self is revealed and joyously benefited by all who are wise to discern its Truth.When the battle is ‘won’,the warrior has found Freedom from unnecessary/wasteful suffering and True love(compassion),kindness and peace,the Heart is open,never to be shut again.
https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com
Walking Peacefully in the face of violence
There was a special time,a time when my friend Doug and I walked with our hearts on the streets of ‘dangerous’ Downtown East side Vancouver,British Columbia,Canada,spiritually befriending the downtrodden,outcasts of society,prostitutes and drug addicts.I never felt threatened or unsafe or repulsed by the ‘dark activities’going on in that area.Who am I to judge or think that I was a ‘hero’trying to save them.NO! I was not there trying to play saviour or speak of a God or spread religiosity to try to convert them.
I was in fact there to learn from them,to be challenged in real-life learning lessons ……to break my heart open to the terrorizing,painful suffering that I relate with them in a different scenario.Humility was the biggest lesson I had to cherish as it was not easy sometimes to be hurled with obscenities and with their rough,crude and toughened mannerisms.I learned to love sincerely, to hold them, to accept them in whatever state they were in,to laugh and cry and share with them and kiss them and wipe away their tears,allow their tears to flow on my jacket/shirt.Most of them are infected with the Aids/Hiv virus and were scarred with sores and visible infected marks on their bodies.It could be very unsightly to look at,I never saw it as a hindrance to be with them.To look into their eyes and tell them that they are loved and not to be afraid.It was a joyful,fulfilling time when they would run and rush forward to be hugged and held and smiled at,there was a tiny one(Doug and I would call her little Ashu) who simply liked jumping on my back like a little monkey.
There were also disheartening times when they would shun,deny and reject any form of kindly contact.
Despite the subtle chaotic,harmful violence being visibly witnessed through the self inflicted suffering these people are causing to themselves(by way of openly shooting up,overdosing,dealing in drugs,watching the johns and ladies engaging in bargaining for sexual favours,yelling and screaming profanities,the frequent sounds of screeching,deafening ambulance/police sirens) ;I walked through the streets in peaceful and loving expression not of or for their activities but in compassion for their pain and ignorant/wasteful suffering.From witnessing these painful states, I was gaining access into my own self-created and unnecessary sufferings and vowed to purify myself of misery.Suffering helps us to look into suffering and then its up to us to want healing for it.
Once Doug,who remains a dear friend till today,invited his friend a priest(Fr.River) from Seattle,USA to join us in walking on the streets.While walking Fr.River suggested that we have a celebration of Mass right there out on the streets.Both Doug and I were joyous at the idea!So we stopped in front of a McDonald’s fast food joint and bought whatever we could to use,bread for communion host,probably pop in paper cups as wine and we spread paper napkins on the ‘dirty’floor.We sat on the floor in peaceful reverence for that sacred ceremony while chaos was going on right there around us.We gently invited the people on the streets to come join in if they liked to.To our surprise,some did respectfully sit with us to celebrate that lovely,lovely time of meaningful celebration of love on the streets.Fr.River showed courage,sincere fearlessness flexibility,spontaneity,humility,kindness and a true healing/sharing and peaceful spirit in the face of subtle violence and confusion.
As I look at this experience, I envision what the historical Jesus Christ would have done in his time and era as he was going about teaching, sharing and projecting peacefulness in the time of hatred,strife and anger over the Roman rule of his country Jerusalem.Despite violence and plotting against the Romans(Romans against the Jews and vice versa), Jesus taught compassion,charity, kindness,forgiveness and peaceful resolutions…..he taught only to look Within the Self to find the ‘Kingdom of Heaven in there’He did not bother with the chaos going on nor did he encourage anger and hatred.He invited people to find healing within themselves.
So what can we learn from this……do we get influenced by the turmoil going on in the present day world or do we find peace and love and compassion to offer to the pain of the world?
the compassionate experience 