A Compassionate Sharing of the Heart

I resonate with all those who are suffering severely in this winter months.My heart opens in compassion for the lonely(those who have lost loved and dear ones,to those about to lose loved ones through terminal illnesses)the heartbroken,the disabled,the seniors,the sick,the poor,the homeless,the mentally challenged,victims of bully and hatred,anger and violence,to those women,children and victims of war-torn countries….how much of suffering they endure in the worst of terrorized circumstances.To all of us tormented by fear and our lives disrupted by the dreaded spread of covid-19.I sit in quietness and breathe in and out offering sincere good wishes(prayers)for all our safety and protection and end of suffering.May all beings be free of suffering.

Most endearing to my heart is the remembrance of my time walking on the streets of Eastside Downtown Vancouver especially so in this cold,windy,rainy and sometimes snowy times of the winter months where I would walk for 4-5 nights a week being with women and men as well,who would sell and abuse their bodies,intoxicate themselves with heavy drug usage and have no inkling about life or death.These winter months are the worst for them….to stand in the cold and be drenched in rain/snow…..almost inhuman,how and what they subject themselves into just to make some money to feed their various hardcore cravings. Underneath all those atrocities and sufferings….there is a human heart filled with a potential to open to Love.Although they might be condemned or judged for their own mistakes and faults and transgressions….we too share the same transgressions to a much more contained extent.They are mothers,wives, sisters,daughters,sons,fathers and loved ones,left downtrodden,homeless and forgotten.Most of them have/had scarred their bodies so grotesquely.Most lost their teeth,their bodies ravaged by needle marks and scabs and infected wounds,some were beautiful(thru photos they kept and shown to me)and now unrecognizable!No matter what, the Christmas season is always painful for them. The sadness they faced of being separated from children and loved ones,owning up to their follies and mistakes but too caught up with the addictions.Not being able to celebrate the festive season,they talk of their unworthiness and self-loathing, low esteem.There are also the hardened cynical ones who would speak crudely of the Christmas festivities.As I walked,tears would sometimes run down my cheeks….there was nothing I could do……..I brought along my opened heart,to give hugs,a kiss,a hand to hold and caress,a listening ear,my shoulders to cry on,a few words of comfort,my stilled presence and a quiet inner compassionate disposition.

I share a story of Alice,known for her violence and had assualted someone with a pair of scissors.During my walk on the streets, I noticed Alice(after a while,I got to know most of them personally) with a big infected boil the size of a grape on one of her wrist.I offered to take her to emergency.She reluctantly agreed,so I told her to wait for me after I have completed my routine walk.She was waiting for me as I had told her surprisingly.As soon as she came into my car,she demanded for a certain sum of money.I calmly declined.She was escalating and kept demanding angrily, refusing to go to the emergency as planned.I saw in her hand she had a sharp-edged hairbrush.I remained collected and declined to give any money.She threatened to beat someone to get money, she also shouted that she was going to rob a store to get the money.By then, she was banging hard on the dashboard,screaming/shouting profanities insisting for money.I told her that she could do whatever she wanted to do but I am not going to give her any money to buy drugs.I gently reminded her that I cared for her and promised to take her to emergency to help treat her infected wrist.I was aware she had the hairbrush in her hand.Soon tears flowed down my face and she could see my sadness,that I was adamant to not give her money despite her fury.She stopped and walked out my car banging the door so hard upon exit.I drove away crying as usual for both our sufferings.

One day after a few weeks of not seeing her on the streets,she was standing at her usual corner and approached me,gave me a hug and a handmade rosary.What joy that brought to my heart.She later left for another location and I never saw her again.

https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com

The Fear of Unknowing

As sentient beings we are affected with fear on a moment to moment basis.Fear makes us anxious,worried,agitated,losing control of our senses,losing sleep,appetite,no zest for living,joylessness,heightens our inner subtle or active aggression,etc.

Fear can either stop and limit our motivation to truly live out our full potential of human life/dignity or it can act as a catalyst to propel us to open doors into phenomenal realms.Which would we allow it to be?

There are too many types of fears we can put our finger on as we live our daily lives.In all honesty,yes, fear is a fact we can complain about or give reasons of its validity as we might say,we fear for our health,we fear the loss of jobs,of income,of our children/granchildren’s future,of the present pandemic,of being found out if we did something wrong,of rejection from loved ones/friends/associates,of what others may think/feel/will do to us,the fear of death,the fear of making decisions,of sharing and being kind, and the many many other fears,however trivial or immense.

In truth fear is about the not knowing(unknown),the losing of control of situations and persons we want attention from,the fear of giving in to something we cannot fight against,of being manipulated(taken advantage of).Fear is an energy that we have kept locked within the self which have subconsciously reminded us of pain and suffering that we do not wish to bear over and over.

Is the fear truly coming from external sources or are we experiencing it from within?

So we allow fear to take over our lives and stop ourselves from living consciously!We allow fear to prevent the freedom of our hearts to exercise and witness courage/fearlessness to be charitable/benevolent to ourselves and others.Do we allow fear to stop opening doors whereby we can discern,evolve and grow maturely/wisely as a human being on this earthly travels.What do we do to assuage it torments?We spend time observing/being aware of it’s tenacity,be with it, make friends with it,ask of it.Become tender with its energy that wants attention/acceptance and not rejecting its need to enslave.As we observe it without harsh reaction,it becomes an ally and dissipate,we live to open a new door! Nothing is permanent as the Buddha has said!

https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com

Waking up to Truth

Most of us have heard this saying…’ignorance is bliss’.It can also mean to be oblivious to be open to the Truth.We tend to be afraid of knowing what is true,the truth that we keep hidden within the recesses of our being,we can call this our ‘dark secrets’.Playing ignorant and pretentious of our lives,this help protect our ‘cushy’lifestyle and keep us safe in our comfort-zones,of people and things and situations we are used to surrounding ourselves with.Most often,these comfort-zones that we hoard no longer serve us meaningfully or give us purposeful living,yet we go on wasting energy pretending to enjoy and be seemingly happy with our lives on the surface.In truth, the undercurrent within us is in turmoil and disturbed.

We need answers,we need comfort,we need knowledge,a direction,a guidance to the truth of our purpose in Life.Yet we dismiss and ignore the very very quiet nudging that beckons us to take stock,to halt and listen,to pay attention,to relax and care for our true needs.We are in truth succumbing to the fear of losses, rejection,more pain and enduring suffering,of changes,of being ridiculed and taunted and of the mysterious Unknown!And there is also the fact and difficult task of ‘how to begin and what to do!’

I faced these dilemmas most of my adult life, knowing quietly that I was intensely suffering,yet not knowing how to deal with it,what to do with the truth of my suffering.The more I struggled with suffering,the more it seemed to follow me and caused me more anger and hatred of myself.I was in fact truly ignorantly looking for love,to be loved and to love!I didn’t realize at the time that Love was already within me and this separation and ignorance caused so more much pain and suffering.How did I begin the waking up to truth?I had to acknowledge and admit firstly that I was indeed suffering and trying hard to suppress its gravity and being dangerous to myself and others.Here being dangerous means that as we unconsciously suffer needlessly,we impose our pain upon others either unknowingly or deliberately to cause suffering in ways of worries, anxieties and distress or even by drastic measures in ways of violence,mental,emotional,sexual abuses and insanity.I had to sincerely surrender the ignorance and seek the help needed to be freed from pain and suffering. I went fervently on a daily basis to sit in reflection of my life in a quiet church and pour my heartaches and foolishness into the unknown.And as I sat, I realized I was delving deeply into my being,witnessing the truth of myself.This endeavour became the start of meditation practices…a true Love affair with myself.This sublime process drew me deeper into myself,seeing all my imperfections, flaws,mistakes,hidden ‘dark secrets’as well as goodness.Instead of judging and churning negative criticism of myself……I started opening up to compassion and forgiveness of myself.Tears flowed profusely in remorse and shame and of knee high buried guilt.All I could do was embrace myself in totality of the truth,freeing/releasing myself of denials and holding on to toxic afflicted energies.

As I meditated,I loved myself for the courage and the truth that I was able to face.And this truth in return sets us all free from unnecessary/wasteful suffering.

https;//www.celestehoedenauthor.com