Faith as small as a mustard seed

Upon immediate arrival back in Vancouver from Saudi Arabia in November 1998,I went to live temporarily at my mother’s small apartment while she was away.One night in utter despair,fearful and lamenting of my brokenness and helplessness,I turned on the TV,a Christian evangelical program came on offering prayers to anyone who needed it to call the number on the screen.Without hesitation, I called in to ask for prayers.In less than a week,a package arrived(November 16th 1998) from Evangelist Peter Popoff with detailed instructions of what to do with the contents of the package.

There was a small sachet filled with so called ‘holy water’from the Jordan river in Israel.I was asked to pour the water on my head before going to bed that very same night of receivng the package.I was told to put a Bible if I had one under my pillow and to sleep on it and that I will have a dream following all instructions as directed.I was happy to find a Bible on my mother’s bedside table(it was good to know that she kept one always beside her).So I did as all as I was told to do with a child-like simplicity, trust and fervour without any expectations,but probably out of desperation and urgency of my sorry state.

I did have a dream that same night of hearing a voice repeatedly telling me,”have faith as small as a mustard seed.”I got up with a sense of joyful relief!

Then I questioned myself,how can I have faith when everything around and within me have fallen apart.I have lost everything,jobless,financially empty and in big debts,physically gripped in ill-health, mentally/emotionally broken, depressed.I saw myself like a jig-saw puzzle with all the pieces strewn all over the place…where do I begin to pick each piece and be whole again?

FAITH was the key word,to be motivated and deeply convinced,to trust by fearlessness and the drive to do something noble and true,so I knew a place where I would go to find refuge….an empty quiet church!

November the 17th,a significant day…..I arrived at St.Paul’s church,Richmond,BC.standing outside at the main door feeling like an ‘escaped criminal’,I humbly surrendered myself willing to accept anything that I would have to face.I subjected myself to the great unknown as I wanted so badly to quench and feed my parched soul in need of Spiritual food/drink.I came out of church that day to face a different direction,A New Spiritual Beginning…the process of letting go,of dying to my old self and ego,the burning down of a dilapidated house,like the snake shedding its dead skin.For the first time, I was starting to embrace myself and feel the tenderness for all my regrets, mistakes,wasteful/unnecessary sufferings and flaws that I was now witnessing within myself Truthfully!

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