Moving to the Unknown
January 1991……..my 6 weeks vacation in British Columbia,Canada.I had just gone thru for the 2nd time around……a heartbreaking divorce.I knew it was not something drastic that would make my life crumble and wither away but instead a painful situation that I had to go thru in order to better myself…
So at the constant invitations and beckoning from my sister Angela and her then husband Iain(who both have become Canadian citizens and live in British Columbia at that time)…….I took the courage to take some time off work(mostly unpaid leave)from nursing at the emergency department in a Singapore hospital and fly to this far away land for a long holiday where I thought I could try to regain my strength and inner vitality after struggling thru the broken-ness and betrayal of somebody I thought I had invested my life and so called love in…………….I was going thru mental and emotional torments/anguish.…as what could be called the roller-coaster effect….ups and downs,highs and lows.Despite my active social and ‘fun’living life at the time to drown the pains….there was an inner fire as I will always remember being felt within me…….I would find myself enjoying the comforting quietness of an empty church,sitting in silence and allowing myself to mentally speak of finding relief for all the pains of my life and asking for guidance and strength ………..
I have come to the crossroads of my life,a time for deep reflection and adjusting to life’s directions.I was filled with fear but knew there was fearlessness existing inside of me….something I knew I had to exercise in order to overcome this ‘bad’time.
While on this holiday in British Columbia,I went with my sister and Iain to the world famous ski resort of Whistler/Blackcomb mountain where they have a time share cabin………..on the way up there,I heard this popular song playing…”From a distance”by Bette Midler……my heart was beginning to open to its words,I was being moved,being touched,being called.A picture of me standing on top of Blackcomb……..I felt on top of the world surrounded by these glorious,majestic mountains…my mind was singing with the Bette Midler’s song,playing over and over,especially so the words….”from a distance,God is watching me”…”there is hope,there is harmony,there is peace.”
‘YES’….I said to myself…..I said yes to the calling to come and live in BC,Canada and felt a surge of relieve swell in me at that moment,I knew I would make all efforts to take a big step for transition to move in this direction.More than a year later………in May 1992……I was in BC,a chance for new environment to begin my life…unknown challenges,openings and opportunities …..ahead to face!
Prior to my moving to this beautiful new land,Canada……I was plagued by fear,fear of the unknown,fear of my own insecurities,fear of leaving all those who are close and dear to me, my family, my friends,fear of leaving familiar surroundings,life and living,fear of adapting to a new climate and way of life….fear of not being to enjoy my favourite Asian foods….fear,fear,fear of almost everything…..and of course the fear of failure……………….I had to make a decision….do I drop the whole idea and plan to move or take up the challenge to move and start anew.It was heavy on my mind and heart!I was crying out for help to make a decision.
One very early in the morning before dawn,while still dark……I took a walk to the beach close to where I lived……I sat on the sand while the sun was coming up…..the sea was so still and everything seemed so quiet,I was in reflective contemplation of my decision to move…….I felt so loved,so blessed and with a stick I picked up I wrote so boldly and hugely on the sand……the word…”GOD”and beamed with joy and walked back home.That very night,I had a significant dream pertaining to my decision………..in that dream,I remember……..I had to make a decision,there were 2 doors and I was to open the right one,if I opened the wrong door,I would be blown into bits…….so in my dream,I felt so scared too and chose to open the door on the right with feelings of trepidations,felt even while in my dream……as I opened the door….it felt good and relieving and I went thru……I got up and immediately I knew I had to move to Canada without a doubt….and here I am in Canada still today 25 years later…after so much excitements,adventures and life changing challenges….the door opens and we walk in and experience each realm ……there is no failure or success……its all about the experiences,lessons to learn and teach and grow from and to be of help!
We all have stories to share,we all face challenges,we can choose to allow challenges to disable us trapped in our fears or we can choose to transcend all sufferings and be of help to others who might be quietly or openly seeking for affirmations and encouragements on each our life journey…..
Fear of the unknown is a genuine fear….when we dare to face it….we overcome fear itself,we experience courage and find it within ourselves,no one can give it to us………………………..