Retreating Inwards

___the kingdom of heaven is within us_____Jesus

_____the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, when a man realised what was in that field,he went to sell everything he had with joy and bought that field____The Parable of Jesus according to the Gospel of Matthew

Here in this parable, Jesus is talking about that innate unconditional Love and Wisdom and Joy that lives in the very core of each and every human being.And here he is speaking about what are we willing to give up and strive for to reach,discover and uncover in this chamber within each being……………1024px-Parable_of_the_hidden_treasure_Rembrandt_-_Gerard_Dou

All enlighten Beings teach the same thing… look inside of us!


What is it like to undertake a self-discovery journey into oneself?

November 17th 1998…………….the day I made a resolute commitment to change my whole being…….to say yes to the truth of that Inner call …….to hear the ‘still small voice’beckoning………….it was not easy to hear that voice but because I was literally brought down to my knees in intense suffering and broken-ness…….that I had to open up Within and look deep inside myself to truly see who I was,who I am,what did I do to come to this point in my life,why was I suffering,is there a way to undo all this and is there a better reason and purpose for my life/living/existence…………….the questions and self inquiry were many that I introspected within myself.I spent hours and hours in quiet meditation, contemplation/reflection and visualizations …..again,the quietude of the church was a place I used for this sublime intention.There was never a moment that I never stopped the investigation within……… I enquired…….answers came flooding in………..revelations were shocking,baffling,confusing and wondrous too.I had to analyse all situations of my life as they revealed and opened up……it was never all at once but slowly and accordingly………(it took years!)………


I got to regress backwards into childhood/adulthood memories and see where similar situations that I had faced before was happening in present day….who said what to me and how I had reacted.I realised habitual patterns tend to repeat thru-out our lives,and I thought that is the way I was …….I learned that from my past traumas,good/bad memories,family,educational,social,cultural and religious upbringing had so much part to play in the then present day life/living… it had been ingrained in my psyche and how I had acted/reacted emotionally,socially,physically,spiritually and mentally thru out my life up till the time of my spiritual transformation.


Of course at first I had no idea or inclination of what was I suppose to do,to go through,to experience …..but as I made a conscious effort to warrant a change and to recognise and admit my frailties,my faults,my transgressions and also my own capabilities of goodness……I dared continue to walk into a beautiful journey of self purification, transformation and realization leading to Freedom………….As I saw all my mistakes and dents in my life…..I strove to purify it by either sincerely offering forgiveness to the person/people themselves or in silent symbolic ways…..and mostly to forgive myself with understanding and reverence…….as I saw myself becoming humble and ‘pure of heart'(the simplicity and sincere expressions of honesty)in doing little noble deeds and sacrifices….I learned to love myself(not in a narcissistic way) but in a way of dying to ego,dying to falseness,to pride, arrogance,ignorance,self hatred,resentments,anger,jealousies,greed,need for control,neediness for recognition/self importance,cravings and attachments.I saw my vulnerabilities and imperfections!


When I learned to love myself for the goodness I saw within me,I saw the powerful potential in all of human nature for Unconditional Love to be manifested,in each and every human being!….I saw the capability of each one to transform and bring forth peace and goodness to humanity.I was witnessing the purified Inner Self…….the Self that was not living in duality(separateness)but only one-ness with all of creation.I saw no distinctions between good or bad,homosexual or heterosexual,saint or terrorist,black or white,politician or priest,believer of religious traditions or non-believer,the beautiful or the ugly and no one going to ‘heaven’or ‘hell’….we are all one in this human journey of suffering,challenges and the propensity to Love,we are all capable of change and transformational spiritual growth and at the liberty to choose our destiny……………………..

Going within myself was also about quietly watching,my thoughts,actions(deeds),speech and fluctuations of emotional states and moods without judging,without being harsh and punitive on myself but gently noticing and acknowledging its contents and letting it be…..slowly I noticed as I watched my restless mind without acting on anything,it was becoming still and harnessed,thus Awareness arised.Awareness helps bring clarity to our actions/reactions …how we act towards others and others to us……….


I was being true to myself,I was not running away from challenges……I was not hiding from any hidden agendas from anyone or anything….everything was becoming authentic and real……..not fleeting and not illusory!

As I uncovered the cause of my own sufferings,I could only feel compassion and kindness for myself and others…. I treated myself with care as I would with others….


I did not have a spiritual teacher on this awe-inspiring, wondrous journey to guide and support my inner growth and flowering…..but I realised that there is an Inner Teacher/guide/wisdom already within each and every human being,ever-ready to act and light the path when we truly say our ‘Yes”to move in an inward journey.Of course there were the many,many highly spiritually adept teachers that I accessed thru books(from the library) of various spiritual/religious traditions as well as self-help books(books on chakras and kundalini helped with the happenings/going-ons within the body)…….as I read their books,I felt as though I was sitting at their feet listening to them expound their teachings, it helped me unlock the times when I felt stucked,confused,helpless and hopeless and inspired me to carry on and persevere the self realization journey… lay man’s term…….to find God!

I went on several silent and directed spiritual retreats…….to reflect and to stay focused on inner growth.I also discovered that moving into the inner being also entailed looking at myself with lots of light-hearted humour and amusements(simplicity of the stilled mind)….to ease into the discovery passage….with enthusiasm and engaging curiosity.


Self-discovery is a passage from the restlessness of the mind into the wisdom, Love and compassion of the restful/peaceful heart,whereby during that journey,we cleanse ourselves of the impurities of past/present guilts,shames,fears,unwholesome activities/addictions,bitterness and all negative/afflictive traits……we recover our true selves,we uncover who we were……to who we are,we become whole(undivided) in body,mind and spirit(heart)….Love is revealed and animated………………..

The spiritual journey is a transformation process… is one of simply becoming HUMAN and relating with humanity in compassionate understanding and respect……………….


Picture above is titled….The hidden treasure by Rembrandt




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